


The Head and The Heart

by Peggysousfan



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bellarke, Cadogan's an idiot, Clarke needs a break, Earth is also back!!, Echo gets jelous, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Past Relationship(s), Psychological Torture, The 100 (T) Season 7 spoilers, Torture, and he hears the radio calls, becho break up, bellamy calls her out on her bs, bellamy is not a traitor, clarke in mcap, fix it in a way, just putting this in case, some parts are similar to canon but not entirely, the head and the heart, trigger warningmaybe?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:21:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 23,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25889515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peggysousfan/pseuds/Peggysousfan
Summary: A fix it for 7x 11 after the bellarke reunion. Rather than betraying and being brain washed, Bellamy acts like Bellamy. Uses his heart to protect his head. Aka Clarke!Edit: Now a fix it for the second half of Season 7!
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 88
Kudos: 280





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just gonna put it out there that this was written even though I haven't even seen the episode yet. All I've seen are spoilers and that is enough to know that a fix it, or AU, needed to be written. This is my own spin off on the idea.
> 
> Just a little fyi... This was written while I was up for 20 hours while only functioning on 2-3 hour nap later on. So if anyone sees any mistakes or if things don't make sense, I apologize. Its sort of been rushed to be finished while sleep deprived, so... yeah.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this bit of The 100 Season 7 au for episode 11! (And yes I did an edit for this fic. I couldn't resist)

The head without the heart is a broken thing. Something without meaning, feeling- a soul. Its purpose is to survive and keep going without its other half, it has no choice. But what happens when the heart beats again?

Connection. 

And that is precisely what happens. Clarke never expected to see her heart again, not after everyone had told her he had died. But when she does everything in the bright white room fades into nothing. Nothing is as important as him. Bellamy Blake was alive- her heart- and he's walking to her in strong strides. She forgets everyone else in the room, even the disciples pointing their weapons at her head. Nothing matters except for him. 

Clarke's breath catches when she sees him, not fulling believing her eyes. He's different, changed, and yet the same as he was before. He's paler, frost bitten with ice in his now longer beard. He's wearing multiple layers of furs covered in filth; but to her it doesn't matter. Bellamy was alive. He was there in front of her. 

"Bellamy?" She gasps, her voice nearly breathless. Her chest heaves as she tries to breath, but her emotions run too high. 

She glances at one of the guards but can't hold back her smile. He was here. He was breathing. And to Clarke that was enough. Octavia and Echo move to be near him, but the guards train their weapons on them all, making them step back, but Clarke couldn't care. He was standing in front of her, breathing! 

"Hold. She has the key." As Cadogan says this, Clarke takes advantage. 

She rushes towards Bellamy, throwing her arms around his neck as she pulls hims tight. He holds her against him instantly, rubbing her back as he does so. She nuzzles her face in his neck, a brief moment in reveling in his existence.

_Bellamy's alive! Bellamy's alive! Bellamy's alive!_

Its like a praise going off in her head. A constant repetition as she holds him in her arms, and her in his. But in that moment of vulnerability, she's lifted off the ground, her toes no longer on the floor. Clarke gasps and tightens her grip on him, and he does the same. Its then she registers his swaying as he holds her, and Clarke relaxes into him, not bothering to lift her head from his neck. 

Her heart was intact. He was still breathing and alive. Bellamy was safe.

She never expected him to lift her off the ground, but she doesn't complain. Nor does she do so when he spins around in a circle several times. Her smile brightens before she laughs, though it is muffled by the furs he wears.

Clarke is vaguely aware they aren't alone, the others are still there, that and Echo was also in the room, but she can't be bothered to care. Not when her heart was here.

"Clarke." Its the first word he's said since returning from Etherea, and though Clarke hears the roughness in his voice, it doesn't bother her. He's alive and speaking. He's okay.

It takes her a moment to realize why he was saying her name, to bring attention to the fact her laughing had become silent sobs in his shoulder. He sets her back down on her feet but doesn't let go. Instead he keeps her pressed close to him.

She lowers her voice so no one from Bardo will over hear and understand immediately. 

"The key is the flame. They think it's still in my head. Say nothing." Clarke gathers as much composure as she can before pulling away, keeping as much of a front as she can- although it was too late because everyone witnessed the heartfelt reunion- but Bellamy doesn't let her get far. 

Even though her arms drop and she's put on an innocent, happy, expression to hide her confession, he doesn't let her move too far from him. He looks at her pleading, his hand still holding onto her waist as their eyes meet. Time stopping still. It wasn't until Echo speaks that reality sets in again. 

"You're really alive." She says in almost disbelief. "How? We saw you die." But as she says this Bellamy doesn't answer.

"It's hard to keep a Blake down." Octavia intervenes with a smile, looking at her brother in awe.

Echo steps closer, nearly running to him and Clarke pulls away, and yet Bellamy still doesn't let go. He looks at her pointedly and pulls at her waist, tucking her into his side. To say she was shocked would be an understatement. Her and Echo. 

"Bellamy?" Clarke looks confused and takes a step back, but his grip tightens as he subtly shakes his head. 

He can't let her go. Not right now. Something has happened, or is happening, and its best she stays close to him at all times. Clarke understands immediately what he was saying and nods, staying by his side. Echo is displeased and scowls at Clarke, before looking at Bellamy with hurt. He bluntly ignores her and turns to Clarke as she furrows her brow at him. Bellamy's always been protective over those he cares about, but never like this. 

"Bell..." Octavia barely says his name but it grabs his attention. He looks to his little sister, a smile barely visible on his chapped face before Cadogan speaks again

"I see you're all reacquainted." he says, his eyes mainly trained on Bellamy and Clarke. "I also see your... 'best friend' has returned to you, Clarke. I hope that means you're ready to help us. We'll give you more time to reunite as we make preparations."

No one makes a move to do anything. No one acknowledges Cadogan. Clarke glances his way, eyeing him suspiciously before Bellamy let's go of her waist to turn to the Shepard.

"I know what you want, Shepard, and I'll give that to you. Clarke is the key to everything." As he says this everyone freezes on the spot, and Clarke begins to panic. "But if anyone touches her, they answer to me." His voice deepens in the end, his threat eminent.

The Shepard understands immediately and looks down, giving into the subtle demand. No one else makes a over to say or act, not even Clarke is sure what to do. 

"Understood, Mr. Blake." Though his eyes meet Bellamy's to show he his listening, it doesn't stop the shiver of unease from him.

The Bardo guards stand down and wait for orders. Cadogan, though unhappy about it, allows them to stay and distributes them each a room for the time being. Those that had rooms previous stay the same, although Hope stays with Octavia instead of being alone.

Even though this offer was civil there was a lot to talk about and deal with because of Echo's betrayal and Diyoza's death. Not to mention Bellamy's reappearance had to be addressed as well. Because of this the people of Bardo were swimming in internal chaos and knew not what to do. The only answer they could have was patience. 

They must wait for the key.

Though they believed they didn't have much time, the disciples listened to the Shepard's request. Leave The Key and her friends alone for now. Their time will come when everything is ready. 

**~~~**

Bellamy stays tucked into Clarke's side, not once letting her out of his sight. She doesn't say anything to acknowledge it. Instead they follow a disciple to a room, one they've dubbed as Bellamy's, and leaves the two alone. That is not before pointing to Clarke's at the end of the hall. Bellamy opens the door for Clarke to step inside before him, then shuts the door. Once it's shut she turns to look at him, not even bothering to pay much attention to the room.

Now that they're alone she can see through state in which he was in. Takes his hand in hers leads him to a chair nearby. Bellamy sits down willingly as she kneels in front of them squeezing his hand in hers. For the first time since arrival, Bellamy gives a genuine smile. Clarke smiles back for frowning and stands up to walk aside. He notices this and moves to stand but she moves her hand and gestures for him to stay, she wasn't going far. Clarke had noticed from her quick glance that there was a small refrigerator in the room with a few snacks and beverages. She grabs them and walks up to Bellamy forcing him to take it.

He drinks the water easily and takes a few bites of a pastry that she had given him, but stops when he sees a strange expression dance across her face.

"Hi." Is all he can say making her laugh.

"Hi." She replies near me breathless still not believing he was really alive in front of her.

He sets the food and water down before taking her hand and take it again not being able too keep smile of his lips. She grins happily in return before looking down, not able to shake the hope and happiness rising within her.

_Bellamy's alive. Bellamy's alive. Bellamy is alive!_

He reaches out with his free hand and lifts her chin making her face him again. As he does, time stops for the moment, silence enveloping them. Only Clarke breaks the silence then.

"Your beard got longer. And your hair." She points out fondly, running her hand to brush the hair from his face.

He was still cold, filthy, and in need of a a serious trim.

"It happens when you're on another planet for 9 months." As he says this Clark's breath catches, and suddenly she wasn't breathing.

Nine months he was alone on a new planet he knew nothing about. Nine months he had survived not knowing whether he would live or die. Nine months he was gone and she wasn't there for him.

As if sensing her internal turmoil and grief he takes her hand and squeezes it again reassuringly. He won't have her blaming herself for something that is out of her control. The same way he had after leaving her on Earth all those years ago.

"I'm so sorry, Bellamy." Her voice cracks slightly as she shakes her head, her eyes no longer meeting his. "I had no idea you-" she pauses to take a deep breath and control what little composure she had left. "If I had gotten here sooner... If I had just-"

"Hey, no." He pulls her impossibly closer, leaning down to keep her gaze on him. "Do not blame yourself for this. Clarke- please don't do this."

She tries her hardest, but it's so hard when she knows she should have been here for him. She should have tried harder. Her lower lips wobbles slightly before she bites down.

"Clarke-"

"I know." She says, cutting him.

He sighs in defeat and pulls her up to her feet before standing himself, embracing her again. This time closer, tighter, and longer. Bellamy knows that this will not make her stop beating herself up over this, but right now it's all he can do. She squeezes her hands together behind his back much like she had a long time ago. Bellamy rest a hand on the back of her head to keep her closer and she doesn't pull back. He holds her as long as he can before she pulls away, lifting her hands to linger on his cheek and neck.

"You should probably shower. Trim this up a bit." As she says this he chuckles, his breath brushing against her face.

"Yeah um... I can't exactly cut my own hair, Clarke. We're not all as talented as you are." As he says this she laughs and slaps his chest playfully, rolling her eyes.

"Whatever." Is all she replies before shoving him towards the bathroom. The closer he gets the more he hesitates. "Hey. I'll be right here, okay. I'll wait until you're done so I can cut your hair."

He hesitates at first but softens when he knows she's sincere. Bellamy also knows that he is being more protective than normal, but after spending nine months with the disciple he knows that Clarke is in severe danger. Nine months hearing the disciple talk about the shepherd, their beliefs, and how Clark was the key to everything.

And he won't let anything bad happen to her. Not again.

When he comes out of the bathroom he is dressed in a long sleeved grey shirt and jogging pants, much like Octavia and the others were wearing earlier. Bellamy walks back over to Clarke and sits back down on the chair. As she sees him she flusters, confusing him.

"You okay?" He asks and she shakes her head.

"Uh, yeah. Sorry." Clarke moves to stand behind him in the chair to run her fingers through his hair. It's curly again she notices. Her lips are knife in a smile as she moves to start trimming the ends. Clarke had found a pair of scissors in one of the drawers in the room to use for his hair.

"Clarke." She hums in question and she continues to stop away at his hair, ruffling it every now and then to test the little layers. Bellamy leans forward a little glances over his shoulder, a questioning look on his face.

"I just... haven't seen you like this in a long time. It's... I don't know. A little weird I guess." Clarke says with a chuckles, turning his head aside and pulling his shoulders back until he leans against it. 

She continues to snip at his hair through to back until it's at a similar length he use to keep it at. It's then she realizes she should have asked him how short he wants his hair.

_Whoops... Too late now._

Clarke moves to stand in front of him and brushes his hair every which way to keep snipping away long strands. She has to be close to him to get it right, so she stand in between his legs as she concentrates on making his sides even.

"Yeah I know. It's been over a hundred years since I shaved my face." Clarke laugh at this and shakes her head. He shrugs and smirks knowing it was literally a fact and she can't stop smiling at him. 

"You're an idiot Bellamy Blake." She huffs while finishing up his hair. She run her fingers through it a bit more while she circles him, making sure everything was even. 

"Yeah, I know. But you still love me though." As he says this Clarke stops moving and stands completely still from where she stands. He sense her pause and turns to look at her before standing in front of her. Once he stops they're barley inches apart. 

"Bellamy..."

As if everything in reality had paused in this moment, Clarke looks up at Bellamy- her heart and other half- with pure unadultered shock. She knows he loves her, and the she love shim, but its always been unspoken between them. Always. What's changed? 

Before she could think of a coherent reply or voice her thoughts, the door opens from behind them. Everyone files into the room and makes their way to the two already there. Gabriel, Miller, Niylah, Hope, and Jordan stand back while the others reach out for Bellamy. The first is Octavia. She embraced her brother tightly before slapping his arm, making him recoil. 

"That's for scaring the hell out of me!" Though he wasn't in much of an amused mood, he smiles anyway. 

"Sorry, O." She glares playfully before patting his cheek. 

"You better be. Good look by the way." She turns to Clarke by his side. "Really good job on the hair cut. I don't even think our mom could have pulled this off."

"Octavia!" Is all he can say while his sister and partner laugh at his expense, though Clarke is more blushing than anything.

The others in the back smile at the interaction, even if it wasn't going to last. They'd take what little happiness they could get at the moment. Too much has happened in lately, and these small moments make it worth it.

Once the laughter settles Echo steps forward and Clarke tenses. She looks away and steps back like before, narrowly avoiding Bellamy's attempt to reach for her. Clarke shakes her head and he looks at her through narrow eyes, unhappy that she moves so far away. To him she could disappear in the blink of an eye, whether it was because of the Bardoans, Anomaly, or something else, she would disappear and he would be separated from her all over again. Bellamy may never see her if she vanishes one more time. It could be their last. Luck only lasts so long...

Echo throws her arms around Bellamy's neck and holds him with every bit of strength she has. Reluctantly he embraces her back, but it is nothing compared to how he held Clarke once they were reunited. He pulls away from her and looks to Clarke, making sure she's still there. She catches his eye and smiles, but it doesn't meet her eyes. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like I'm going to keep dragging this out lol I've passed 8k already and I'm still not finished, so we'll see where this goes. I finally saw the episode today and I just gotta say... wtf. Like this season just keeps throwing things at us and I just... *sigh* anyway, that's why fanfiction exists. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy so far!

Everyone stays gathered in Bellamy's room for a while relishing in the fact that he was really alive and on Bardo with them. He doesn't tell them much of what had happened, only that he survived by going through the anomaly in time. He was stranded on a deserted planet with the disciple but that was it. He spoke no more of the matter to anyone. If anything he became more tense as the conversation kept leading to the subject.

Clarke sensed this from him every time, most often she didn't even have to look up at him to notice; she just sensed it. And that was enough of an excuse for her to change the subject to something else.

The others didn't stay for too much longer, what with keeping up appearances for Cadgon and giving Bellamy some space; he did just return to them from 'the dead' after all. The only one who hesitated to leave was Echo, but Bellamy assured her he was fine and closed the door behind her. Clarke was behind him, ready to leave as well, but instead Bellamy takes her hand in his and leads her to sit with him on the bed. He doesn't say anything for some time, just content to be next to her again, alone. He leans on her, his head on her shoulder, before breaking the silence.

"How'd you do it?"

"Do what?" She asks, looking down at him.

"Survive alone for 6 **years**."

"I told you, I wasn't alone. I had Madi."

"Madi was just a kid Clarke, and you didn't have her from the start." Clarke sighs knowing he was right. He always knew her better than she did sometimes. "How'd you do it?"

She tries to think of the nature behind his questioning before realizing he spent time alone, or nearly, on Etherea. 9 months on a freezing planet he didn't know anything about while being trapped with one of Cadogan's disciples. Oh the hell he must have been through.

Its ironic really their circumstances and experiences. Clarke was left to try and survive on a burning planet while Bellamy had to survive on a freezing one. But that was the big question wasn't it. How did she keep on going after everything she went through? But the answer was plain and simple. It was hope. And Clarke explains this to him.

"You." As she says the one simple word he lifts his head from her shoulder and looks into her eyes, confusion edged into his features. "I had hope that I would see you again, Bellamy. I called you on the radio everyday for six years in hope that you would hear me. You, Bellamy Blake, are how I survived. It's...." She bites her lower lips as she glances away, his gaze to intense for what she has to say. "Its always you."

Bellamy reaches out to her, gently taking her chin in his hand to make her face him. When she does he leans over her and takes her in his arms, and Clarke eagerly returns the favor. She breaths him in, her face tucked into the crook of his neck as they hold each other for dear life. Eventually their grips loosen, but they still don't part. If anything Bellamy starts leaning on her more heavily until she realizes he may have fallen asleep. And he has.

She smiles down at him and kisses the top of his head, carding her fingers through his hair as she lies him down in bed. He needed as much rest as he could get. Clarke stands to leave once she's sure he's comfortable, but stops when he grabs her wrist.

"Stay." Is all he mumbles, and she doesn't have much energy to argue. She lies down beside him facing him as he sleeps.

Clarke observes the small curls falling away on his forehead, as well as the amount of freckles scattered across his features. She stops herself from reaching out to count them, and instead gets lost in them- just like the stars- before falling asleep herself.

After a few hours, however, Bellamy awakens in sweat. He bolts upwards in fear, yelling. Clarke reacts immediately and checks on him, holding him to her. It takes a few moments before he registers where he is and who was holding him. He settles down after a bit and listens to her heart beating. The rhythm calms him enough to lull him back to sleep.

**~~~**

As Bellamy sleeps soundly against Clarke, she doesn't make a move to protest. Instead she falls right back to sleep, if not more comfortable than before. But the sleep she so long craved for is interrupted with a shake of her shoulders. Clarke's sharp intake of breath is the only panic sign she gives before relaxing. It was just Echo; but an angry one at that. She glares down at Clarke and gestures for the door. Clarke looks back down at Bellamy to make sure he's asleep before she carefully gets out of the bed. When she does she steps out of the room and in front of Echo.

"What the hell are you doing?" Is the first things Echo says, catching Clarke off guard.

"What? Nothing." She defends, but Echo glares and crosses her arms, making Clarke sigh in defeat. She really did not want to deal with the drama. "Look, Echo, he had a nightmare and then fell back asleep. That's it. I haven't done anything."

Echo doesn't respond, instead she glances over Clarke's shoulder to see Bellamy still fast asleep. "You can go. I'll watch over him."

Clarke sigh again and closes her eyes, shaking her head as she steps away, not even bothering to say anything else. There was no point in fighting when there was nothing to fight about. Bellamy had been attached to Clarke the moment he came back, it was reasonable enough Echo wanted to be with him too; after all she was his girlfriend.

She walks down the hall to her room and walks inside, not bothering to look around much. When she closes the door she leans against it to catch her breath. Now's not the time. Bellamy wasn't hers to claim. Clarke looks around at notices the room is the same as Bellamy's -they must all be the same- so she goes back to lying down, pushing down the resentment of the lack of extra warmth in the bed.

Much to her dismay she doesn't stay asleep for long. She bolts awake, again, at hands grabbing at her while she slept, and is met with a room full of disciples. Before she could really react they drag her out into the hall and through different sets of doors. She fights against them as much as she can, but there was no use in resisting. She's surrounded.

Clarke has no idea what was happening and every time she attempted to say anything the guards lifted their arms to train their weapons on her, so she follows. When they finally stop they enter an all white room with a single chair in the middle that had restraints and a device near the head rest.

_No..._

She shakes her head and fights against the guards and disciples, but it was no use. She was too outnumbered. The force her into the chair and hold her down, tying the restraints so tight she can barely move against them. Even more so was the lack of circulation Clarke knew she was getting from the amount of pressure.

Clarke struggles against it anyway, yelling as much as she can, but no one says a thing.

"What the hell is this!? Let me go!!" She pulls and pulls as much as she could, but it was no use. She wasn't going to get out of this.

As she lies there, a disciples pulls a device over her head, readying everything she can before stopping and standing straight as the door opens. Cadogan.

"I'm sorry it has to be this way, but we're running out of time. The future of mankind depends on this, Clarke."

"Go float yourself!" At her outburst everyone looks at her ridiculously. "We had a deal. Why are you doing this?!"

"Because I know you don't have the key, that is to say, anymore." As Cadogan says this, Clarke stops fighting. How could he possibly know that? "Your friend Bellamy is more useful than you think, Clarke. While he was on Etherea he only had one person to speak to, which just so happened to be a disciple. This 'friend' of yours let his guard down so to speak, and often spoke of you and your adventures. One of those being when you had the key, or so you call it the flame, for only a day before you took it out. We need to know what information you learned from that day and where the key is currently. It would be best if you cooperate willingly, if you don't... then this will hurt you."

Clarke says nothing in return, she has nothing to say. Its not as if Bellamy betrayed her, turned her in or spoke of the flame as if he knew he was telling a major secret; how could he have known? Its simple; he couldn't. And now Clarke must pay the consequence. Cadogan gestures towards the disciple beside Clarke, the woman with strange glasses, before she speaks a question, over and over again, waiting for a reaction or an answer.

"You're alone in a vast, empty desert..."

_No! No! No! This can't be happening. Don't let them in. Keep your mind blank._ _Don't let them in. Keep your mind blank._ _Don't let them in. Keep your mind blank._

Octavia had described briefly what mcap was and what it was like. They ask questions to get your mind thinking, to reveal your memories to take them. But Clarke couldn't let that happen. Not now. Not again. She can't have someone else riffling through her mind, invading her memories when just a week ago the same had happened with Josephine. No, she couldn't give up now just like she didn't then.

Clarke tugs against the bounds against her limbs, but is met with nothing but restraints. She tries to block out what the disciple is saying and avoids thinking of anything other than nothing at all. But pain begins to escalate from no where and it becomes harder to fight.

She couldn't get out of this...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I know, I'm horrible. But I decided to keep breaking the parts up because of cliffhangers and insane introductions for future chapters😉


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I firmly believe Clarke and Octavia are more like sisters than Raven and Echo. I said what I said.

As Bellamy Blake sleeps soundly his heart begins to jump out of his chest. Something was wrong. He startles awake and instantly feels a physical and mental wave of edge. He looks around frantically but is met with a face that wasn't the one he expected. She wasn't Clarke. Echo feels him jump from bed and looks at him from the other side where she laid. The same spot Clarke had been in previously.

"Bellamy? What's wrong?" But he doesn't answer, instead he looks around the room for the woman he needs, but sees no sign of her. Its then panic starts to set in.

"Where's Clarke?" Echo's face goes slack in annoyance as she looks at Bellamy. His new found clinging nature to Clarke was bugging her more and more.

"She's in her own room sleeping. Where she should be." Bellamy whips his head to look at her, its as if she's grown a second head instantaneously. Clarke wasn't by his side. She left again.

"What? No! She was just-"

"I sent her away, Bellamy. I'm here to watch over you, give her a break." As she says this he isn't convinced, and Bellamy bursts from his bed to the door, followed by Echo. "Bellamy! What are you doing?" He throws open his door and starts running, only stopping when Echo grabs his hand.

"She's in danger! How could you possibly make her leave when I told her she needs to stay with me? What were you thinking!?"

Before she could answer, however, Bellamy burst through Clarke's door and is met with emptiness. She wasn't in bed sleeping, but her jacket was left behind. It was the only thing of her's here, not the woman herself. She was gone.

"She's a big girl, Bellamy. Clarke can handle herself." At his off put look she shrugs. "She made it all the way here and made her own demands, threatening Cadogan and convincing him to leave her alone until he earned her trust. She wasn't going to help him until we were okay."

"Yeah? Then where the hell is she now?" At Echo's silence he scoffs. "As if you even care."

He spits before leaving the room. Echo is paralyzed momentarily before following again, trying to ignore the rising panic in her chest. "Of course I care! But Clarke-"

"Clarke has always been a burden to you! Always! Since the day you met her you hated her." As he speaks the truth, Echo stops in her tracks. "I thought you changed on the Ring, but that was before you kept treating Clarke like the enemy. And then I learn you yelled at her and tried to create mass genocide. Killing everyone on this planet as revenge for my death."

"How-"

"Octavia told me."

"Of course she did." Echo mumbles, glancing at the wall from afar.

"Tell me, Echo, why the hell would I want that?! Mass genocide? I've done it. Twice. First Mount Weather, then the sleeping grounder army. If you really think I would want more killing and murder, then you don't know me at all. If anyone knows me, its Clarke. It always has been. And if you think I would have done what you intended, then you clearly don't pay attention because I didn't take revenge when the Primes nearly murder her to bring back Josephine. Or do you not remember that either?"

Instead of answering she stays silent.

"We're done, Echo." He scoffs and shakes his head, walking away from her to look for Clarke.

Something was very, very, wrong, he can feel it, and he won't let anyone stop him now. Not even Echo. He knows storming in anywhere would be a bad idea, it'll only cause more problems than they already have. But he made it clear if she's hurt then their problems would only grow, so Bellamy had to think of something- anything- and fast.

The disciple Bellamy was trapped with on Etherea with tried to convert him to believe in the cause. At first Bellamy thought he was a mad man, believing in something as insane as Cadogan's teachings, but then realization dawned on him. Bellamy could use this as an advantage.

So, Bellamy walked down the halls and put on a facade, acting as if he was one of them while asking for the Shepard. Their Shepard. If he was going to sell it he had to make it look real, and this was all he could think to do in the moment. All he could hope was that Clarke was okay. He hoped.

**~~~**

"Bell? What's wrong?" Octavia, who was sitting down with Hope as the girl slept, jumped when she saw her older brother enter her room.

His face withdrawn with pure worry and determination. Octavia hasn't seen him like this since after Mount Weather. Right after Clarke had left and been gone for months. And that's when her mind connects the dots. Clarke. She wasn't near Bellamy like she has been since he got back. Something wasn't right...

"I need you to gather everyone and go back to Sanctum." He says, going through her furniture looking for any listening devices he can find.

"What? Why?"

Bellamy continues to search untilhe finds it under the chair. As he waves it around for her to see before he stomps it under his shoe, shocking his sister. She had no idea that was there. His stomping wakes Hope and she startle awake, glaring at him before realizing something was wrong. Clarke wasn't with him, and he looked shaken up.

"Because something bad will happen and I need to make sure you and the others are safe."

"Bellamy... What is happening?" As she says this she still sees no sign of Clarke. "And where the hell is Clarke?!"

Bellamy sighs and glances between a now awake Hope and his sister. "They took her." His voice cracks slightly, his now shorter curls falling in front of his face.

"What?! When?"

"I don't know." He groans in frustration. "One minutes she's beside me sleeping, and then the next thing I know she's gone because Echo made her leave."

"What!?" Octavia nearly hollers. Bellamy sighs again and flops his arms by his side.

"I don't know, alright. All I do know is that I need to get Clarke back. But I can't do that and make sure you all are safe. Which is why I need you and everyone else to leave and go back to Sanctum."

"No!"

"O-"

"Bell if they have her... They'll kill her!"

"You think I don't know that?! I know, okay! And I'm going to get her back no matter what I have to do, but I need to make sure you and everyone else we care about is safe back home. Warn the others in case Cadogan sends more of his people."

"I said no." She says defiantly.

"Octavia, please-"

"I lost Diyoza!" She shouts. "And then I lost you too! I thought you were dead, Bellamy! I thought I lost my brother and I'll be damned if I lose my sister too!" Bellamy goes completely silent. Even Hope says nothing. "If they have Clarke they'll put her in mcap and try to take her memories to gain information on the flame. IF that's the case she'll fight it and die."

"You don't think she'll eventually let them in? Clarke's not invincible Auntie O."

"You're right. She's not. But Clarke will do anything she think is right to save her people. If she thinks that her memories will make Cadogan more of a threat, she'll fight mcap until it kills her! Bell... I've been in that machine. They've used it on me to get inside my head. I know what it feels like and it hurts! I barley made it to level 7, which is just a few notches outside the safe zone. Knowing Clarke she will fight to the red and let it kill her. To save us! You know I'm right."

Bellamy runs his hands over his face and into his hair as he absorbs this information. Clarke's in pain. They took her. Clarke's gonna die. He wasn't there to protect her again. She'll die alone. AGAIN.

 **No.** Bellamy couldn't let that happen. Not as long as he was breathing.

"So we find her. We find Clarke and we get her home."

"It's not that simple, Uncle B." Bellamy and Octavia look to Hope, though Bellamy was more shocked. He's never met this girl properly. All he knows is she is Diyoza's daughter and she grew up fast because of the strange way time works planet jumping. But she did call Octavia Auntie O, so it's understandable why she addresses Bellamy as her Uncle.

"Hope's right. They'll keep her guarded in and out of mcap. And even if we get her home safe, they'll still be able to follow us to Sanctum and take her again. No matter where we go they can follow. We need a better plan than rescue and retreat."

"Then what?! How do we keep them from following us to Sanctum?"

As Bellamy asks this, no one answers. All Octavia and Hope do is stare at the ground. There wasn't anyway to make them not follow, the people of Bardo were determined and desperate. They believe mankind is in danger and that the information in the flame can save them. That Clarke can.

But she can't. She doesn't have the flame or much information they could use. The only person that could be useful for the flame would be Madi, she was the last one to have it. And Clarke knows this. She's protecting her daughter and all of her family. Her people. They need to save Clarke and everyone without being followed to Sanctum. Clarke can't sacrifice herself again.

How do you stop planet hoping people from following you to another planet? You can't.

That is... Unless you destroy their bridge of transportation. They needed to destroy the anomaly on Sanctum.

"I've got it."

"Got what?" Octavia looks to her brother and sees him smiling. Actually smiling as if his idea was obvious and we'll thought out. As if it was bound to work no matter what. They can win.

"A plan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Becho break up! 😁 Now if only it becomes canon lol Next chapter is FILLED with angst and will be up tomorrow😉


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke goes into mcap for the first time... Angst and torture assured

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really short chapter today, sorry about that! The next chapter should be longer though. Promise :)

"AAHHHHH!! GAAAHHHH!!!!" Clarke's shrieks echo through the room. The only sound made. She fights against the machine on her head, making the pain much, much, worse. At first it was bearable, but the more she refuses the worse it becomes.

She breaths in heavily when it stops, but it doesn't last long.

"You can make this stop, Clarke. All you have to do is stop fighting this. Tell us what we need to know and the pain will all go away." Cadogan says diplomatically, his arms out stretched in his preaching ways while she lays in the chair, completely and utterly out of breath.

"Go...To...HELL!" She exclaims through clenched teeth. Merely all of her energy drained from within her as she speaks.

The Shepard sighs and looks away, clearly hoping she would cave. He gives a short nod to one of his disciples as she turns a dial on the mcap again, the level of pain worsening. Clarke tightens her fingers into a fist, her knuckles purely white. The only way she can ground herself and fight her own mind. She chokes up, her throat hoarse and dry.

"You're alone in a vast, empty desert and a hand reaches out for your own. Whose is it?"

_Don't let them in. Keep your mind blank. Don't let them in. Keep your mind blank. Don't let them in. Keep. Your. Mind. Blank!_

Tears prick her eyes eyes she bites down so hard on her lip she draws blood. Though it was no use trying to hold in her screams. The stinging pain coursing through her body as if she was being electrocuted and impaled all at once. She barley registers the warm blood falling down the side of her head. How much more could her body take before this kills her? Maybe that would be the best option. Death. But as she thinks this the pain stops and something appears beside her, a light shining on. As it does Cadogan grins and the disciples rush forward, moving the screen around and around until Clarke realizes what was happening. Her memories were showing.

**Neural link connected.**

The first image was her father being floated, the first sight of someone she loved dying before her eyes. Next was Atom, Clarke's first kill. Mercy or not she drove the knife into his neck, the bloods on her hand. The next was the dropship right before the Ring of Fire; the last people she saw before the door closed was Bellamy and Finn. She thought they died that day. Death was everywhere. Including those she actually caused, such as Finn. The blood on Clarke's hands as she steps back; a permanent stain. Then there was the lever at Mount Weather, the bodies falling from the radiation taking over them. One by one Death over takes them. Next was Lexa... Her body lying limp in Clarke's arms as she bleeds out. Everyone dying because of Primfaya, the conclave, Pike, the sleeping army, forcing her own people out of the bunker to die in the death wave, Eligus, McCreary, those on Sanctum...

 _Death. Death. Death._ It was everywhere Clarke goes. Wanheda-

_No! No! No!_

She pulls against the restraints and yells, shutting her eyes as she does. Eventually breaking the connection.

_Don't let them in. Keep your mind blank. Don't let them in. Keep your mind blank. Don't let them in. Keep. Your. Mind. Blank!_

But as she does this, the pain returns. The intensity maddening as she resists, stopping the memories from surfacing any longer. Don't let them in. Don't let them see.

"AHHHHHHH!!!! UGHH! GAHAHAAAA!" She starts to cry at the feeling, her body starting to shut down.

"Stop fighting this, Clarke. It'll only make things worse. We want what you want, to end the fight. To save the human race. With your help we can do that; end the last war of mankind. But you need to help us, Clarke." Cadogan tries to reason, but his voice just sounds like static noise in the background. Her ears were ringing to loudly for her to hear anything else. All there was was pain and agony.

_NO! Stop it! Don't think. Don't let them in. Don't think. Don't let them in!_

And yet the pain amplifies again as the dial is moved up one more.

"UUGGHHH!!!" She groans, biting down as hard as she can. If she goes any longer she may crack a few teeth. "No!" And that was the only coherent word she could muster before screaming once more.

Clarke pulls and pulls her wrist, kicking her legs for friction, anything she could possible do to feel like she was doing something to get away, to make the pain stop, but nothing works. She can barely move. Nothing feels right. A loud ringing fills her ears as her vision darkens. Maybe it was time to give into it.

_I am become death..._

"What the hell is this?!" A voice booms from afar, but Clarke can't tell who it is from the scream pulled from her throat. "ENOUGH!" It yells and immediately the pain stops.

"Mr. Blake-"

"No! I told you if anyone touches her they answer to me!" Bellamy gets closer to Cadogan and the disciples step back, none armed to defend their Shepard.

"We are running out of time! I'm sorry. But this needs to be done. We need the information the key has given Clarke so that we can save man kind."

"I know. And you'll get what you need. But not like this! You'll kill her before you get anything useful." As he says this, everyone turns to look at him, even Clarke glances his way through her dropping eyes.

Bellamy notices and pulls the Shepard outside to speak privately, and nearly five minutes later Bellamy returns. Alone.

"Get out. Now." He sneers, making the disciples quake where they stand. They don't hesitate to rush through the door given the look on his face, even Clarke is unsure what is think.

"Bellamy-" she croaks, but he stops her.

"Don't worry, I got you Princess." As he says this a smirk appears on his lips, clearly noting the surprise on Clarke's face. He hasn't called her that in years.

He handles the restraints on her wrist, legs, and ankles before getting the device far away from her head. Bellamy helps her sit up and get her out of the chair, but it wasn't too easy. Clarke reaches out to him, shaking uncontrollable, while placing a hand on his shoulder. He picks her up from her waist so she can stand on her feet, nearly all of her body weight against him. She feels like passing out, her vision blurred and dizzy as she looks around.

"Wh-what's going on?" She notices that Bellamy and her are the only ones left in the room before turning to look at him again.

He doesn't answer her, not yet. He can't let anyone know his plan until it's safe to talk. Bellamy knows Bardo is bugged to the max, nearly in every room; all except Octavia's now though. But there was no way to tell Clarke or Octavia what he had in mind to save them. Not yet. He needed to play it safe. So instead of answering Clarke's question he holds her close to him and they slowly make their way to his room. She doesn't even protest to go back to here's; then again why would she? That's the room she was kidnapped in and taken to be tortured elsewhere.

As the two enter the room Clarke stops walking, her legs giving out from under her. Bellamy catches her quickly and carries her bridal style to the chair nearby. Once she's settled he steps away quickly to grab a wet cloth to clean her head. When he returns from the bathroom, however, he sees her slumped backwards, and he rushes to her side.

"Clarke!" He shakes he shoulders until she moves again, the groan was enough for him to know she was alive at least.

He sighs in relief before kneeling on front of her, gently reaching out to dab at the blood coated in her hair and on her face. She flinches on instinct and pulls away, but Bellamy has to do this. He hates that it hurts but she needs to get cleaned up. It takes longer than he anticipated to clean the blood, seeing as her temple wasn't the only thing bleeding. Clarke had pulled so tight and fought so hard against the restraints that she cut into her skin. Bellamy is as gentle as he can be as he cleans and wraps her wounds.

He should have been there. He knew she was the target again and he wasn't there for her. He was lucky to stop it in time before she was killed. Next time he might not be so lucky.

"Bell'my." Clarke mumbles, her voice slurred from exhaustion.

"Shhh, hey. Its okay. You're okay." He reaches down and pulls her in his lap, cradling her against him. She groans momentarily before laying her head against his chest, the thumping of his heart filling her ears. He cups her head and pulls her closer, kissing the top of her forehead before swaying. Its the only thing he can think to do so sooth her.

Clarke was still shaking uncontrollably at this point and the only thing Bellamy could do was calm her down and help her rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy to the rescue! If only this happened in canon *sigh* A girl can dream lol


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, a longer chapter! Tbh I don't know where this is going anymore lol I've reached over 12k in my drafts and all I know that comes next is Bellamy hearing those radio calls. That's all I got 😂 We'll just see where this goes I guess lol

When Clarke wakes up she's met with the sensation or warmth all around her. Her head is buzzing and thumping while a faint ringing fills her ears, but otherwise she was okay. Clarke was still alive. Bellamy feels her stir and wakes up himself. He looks down at her as she starts sitting up,leaning away from his chest. He had moved them to the bed as he sat up and leaned against the headboard, letting Clarke use his body and chest as a pillow; and he truly didn't mind.

She was here. She was still alive. And to Bellamy, that was all that mattered.

"Hey." He whispers, afraid to be too loud knowing she was still recovering from yesterday. Clarke smiles lazily at him before leaning back against him, her head under his chin as she does so. He rubs her arm up and down in a soothing motion to make her relax, and for the most part it helps.

"Thank you. As always." Clarke breaks the silence in the room but not the physical contact. It was too soothing and grounding for her to let go yet.

"For what?" She huffs a short laugh and shakes her head, finally pulling away enough to face him.

"I think its pretty obvious, Bellamy." At his off pointed look she rolls her eyes playfully, smirking at him. "You saved me. Again."

"Clarke you never have to thank me for that. Ever."

If she had the energy she would argue, but instead she nods and reaches around his neck, hugging him with all the strength the has. He returns the embrace, though holding back as to not inflict any more pain, and doesn't let go until she's ready.

When Clarke finally pulls away Bellamy brushes a loose strand of blonde say from her eyes. Even short it still got all in her face. He smiles at the thoughts confusing her, but he just shrugs in reply. Clarke was okay and with him, and that's what mattered most.

"Clarke!" Both Clarke and Bellamy look towards the door to see Octavia and the others coming in. The younger Blake all but barrels towards the two sitting down and embraces Clarke with a crushing force. "You're okay!" She sighs in relief, only to jump back and release Clarke after she groans. "Sorry."

"No, it's okay. Your fine." Her voice cracks and leads to her coughing slightly. She was dehydrated. Given she did nothing but scream for what felt like an eternity, her throat was dry.

Raven notices and rushes to get her some water, and for once Clarke doesn't put up a fight. "So mind telling us what the hell happened? One second we're all asleep, the next Octavia and Hope come running in and frantically waking us up saying Clarke was in danger."

"Yeah, Cadogan-"

"Cadogan broke the deal." Bellamy interrupts Clarke hearing her voice breaking. She needs to rest her throat and body because of yesterday. "He kidnapped Clarke while she was sleeping and tortured her using mcap. He's desperate. Desperate and thinks he's running out of time."

"What? How did that happen?" Raven questions, knowing how Bellamy was acting the previous day with Clarke. He all but refused to let her be more than five feet from him. So how exactly was she kidnapped in her sleep?

"Echo." Octavia answers, her tone dripping with disdain. Raven whips her head towards the younger Blake with wife eyes. The same goes for everyone.

"I'm sorry, what?" She doubles back. "What the hell did Echo do this time?!" She nearly shouts. Everyone was still upset with how she nearly massacred everyone on Bardo as revenge, now they learn she was also responsible for Clarke being taken and tortured.

"Echo made Clarke leave the room when I was asleep."

"What the fuck?" Miller mumbles, clearly irritated confused

He barley registers Miller cursing and moving to guard the door while Raven takes a deep breath to calm down. Clarke almost died again. Without them knowing. Again! And yet another time because of Echo. Intentional or not. They really can't catch a break. The subject drops as Octavia speaks, not wanting to think anymore about the woman that keeps bringing more problems to the table.

"So what's the plan, Bell? We need to get Clarke out of here!" Octavia lowers her voice in a hushed yell, well aware the disciples could come around from anywhere at anytime to hear them.

Bellamy had destroyed the listening device in his room before he found Clarke, so he knows that it's safe to speak the plan freely; that is some part of it anyway.

"Look I have a plan... But you're not gonna like the first half of it." With this statement everyone looks at him cautiously, even Clarke. She hasn't spoken up to let her throat rest, but it didn't stop her

"Bellamy..." The weariness enough makes him not want to go through with this, but they don't have much of a choice. They need to end this.

"You have to go back in mcap." As he says this everyone speaks at once.

"What?!" Clarke shrieks, her voice cracking.

"Bell you can't be serious!" Octavia shouts.

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!" Raven inputs.

"Bellamy." Miller shakes his head as if Bellamy had sprouted a third eye.

"Look I know it's dangerous, and trust me when I say I hate this as much as you do," he looks to Clarke. The woman now starting to shake in fear. "But we don't have much of a choice. Either Clarke willingly let's them in, only showing a few memories and nothing to do with the flame or Madi, or they kill her. But if they think she's cooperating they will have no reason to fight against us. They'll be too distracted with her mind to bother looking at the rest of you."

"Us? What about you and Clarke?!" Octavia had a point, but her brother had it figured out. Mostly that is.

"Cadogan thinks I'm on his side. He thinks I believe for the most part and we can use that." Everyone stares unable to move anymore. "I'll be in the mcap room with Clarke as guidance, help her chose the memories and distract the others. While we do this, you all need to go to Sanctum, find Madi and the others and warn them. Keep them safe. Once Cadogan gives Clarke a break, I'll sneak her out and to the stone room so we can follow you."

"Bell... How do you plan on stopping them from coming to Sanctum? They'll know we ran and come for Clarke again! They won't stop until they get what they want."

"I know... And I have a plan for that too. But right now we need to focus on one thing at a time. Get what you need and run. We'll be right behind you."

No one looks convinced, but as if a metaphorical light bulb shines over Raven and she gasps. She knows what Bellamy is planning. The only way to stop them from planet hoping was to destroy the bridge. As she realizes this she looks to him and he sighs.

"Like I said. We'll deal with that problem when we get there."

"What if we don't have to?" Bellamy and the others look at Raven questioningly, hoping for her to elaborate. "Look Jordan and Niylah were onto something. They were decoding the real message that Cadogan found. Whatever is coming is big, that much we know. But we could deal with it ourselves on Sanctum. And I may know how to break the ties between the bridge."

Bellamy nods as he follows along, liking her thinking. "Do it. Whatever you have to. Just as long as you all make it back home safe."

Everyone nods along in agreement and goes their separate ways, getting things ready. While they do, Bellamy still holds Clarke near him, his arm never having left behind her back. She looks at him then, a plead in her eyes.

"Bellamy..."

"I know." He pulls her back in his arms and brushes her hair down. This plan has to work, it has too. Bellamy knows they can pull it off, he just hates the idea of seeing Clarke back in that chair again.

"Are you sure about this?" Clarke asks, her voice smaller than he's heard in a long time. "If this doesn't work-"

"It will, okay? I know it " He pulls back to look her in the eye, showing his sheer determination and confidence. "Only show them selective memories,Clarke. Choose certain events or people but you have to avoid thinking about Madi, the flame, and every connection it has."

"So the bunker? Gaia? Everything that happened after Priamfaya?"

"Not everything. Just focus on what will distract Cadogan and the others. Show them the city of light and what lead to it. Show the flame being put back in the box and skip to something else, just pretend you have no idea what happened next and go to an entirely different memory."

"Bell..." She whispers, and his breath catches. She's never called him that before. "I can't."

"You can. I know you can." Clarke shakes her head and a lose tears slips away, so, he brushes it off her cheek. "I know you hate this. But I'm here this time and I swear on my life nothing bad will happen to you. I need you, Clarke, and I can't lose you again."

She sniffles lightly before nodding, and nuzzling his neck again. He tucks her closer and wraps his arms around her once more. It's all they can do for now.

When they pull apart he checks her temples and body, making sure her wounds were okay. Luckily they were, so, he steps away to grab her something to eat. She needs all the strength she could get for later. As Clarke eats the bit of food Bellamy finds as he concentrates on the missing variables. Why did Cadogan break the deal now? How did he know Clarke didn't have the flame? He said he needed to know what she learned from the flame when she had it, meaning he knows she doesn't have it anymore. So how-

"Bellamy? You okay?"

"Yeah just..." He thinks on how to word his question before saying it aloud. "How did he know you don't have the flame? The whole point of the deal involved him thinking you had it in your head. Its why he never did something like this before. So how did he know?"

"A little bird..." She mumbles not meeting his eye. Instead she focuses on the water bottle in her hand; fiddling with it to avoid his gaze.

"What do you mean?" She shakes her head and avoids eye contact still.

"Nothing."

"Clarke." She sighs, knowing she would have to answer him. If she didn't say anything he would find out eventually and in less pleasant circumstances. It might as well come from Clarke.

"Did you... Did you tell that disciple about me and how I took out the flame after destroying the city of light?" As she says this he nods slowly, still unsure where she was going with this.

"Yeah but-" As if a ton of bricks had fallen, Bellamy's chest heaves to breath. He did this.

Cadogan knows about the key not being in Clarke because of him. He told the disciple about some stories on Earth, merely a to teach him a lesson on what love really is. What it means. No Shepard or God delivered them from death and danger, but Clarke. Clarke and everyone else that was human because that's what the do. They fight for their loved ones with everything they have, even if it nearly costs them their lives.

But because of his story telling Cadogan knows Clarke doesn't have the flame anymore. He took her because he knows she lies to them. It's his fault they took Clarke. It's Bellamy's fault she was hurt. Again. How is it he always hurts the one person he loves the most? Even without meaning to?

"Bellamy!" Clarke yells, making him jump. "Stop it." He furrows his brow confused and she sighs, taking his face into her hands. "I know that look, okay? Stop blaming yourself! One way or another this would have happened. They would have found out I didn't have the flame even if you never told him about Alie. Okay? Please Bell... This isn't your fault."

He takes a deep breath and releases it slowly, but nods nonetheless. There was no point arguing when she was right. But that didn't make Bellamy feel any less guilty. They took her because of what he had said on Etherea. But just as the thought appears in his mind a hand grasps his own and squeezes it tightly. He glances at the intertwining fingers and finds her pales ones mixed with his olive toned skin. She nudges his shoulder with hers to make his gaze fall on her eyes, and it works. Clarke leans over and places a kiss on his cheek , lingering there. Bellamy furrows his brow as he turns his head, their lips a breath apart and both halt any further movement.

"Clarke?" A knock and voice echoes, breaking the moment. Bellamy groans lowly before getting off the bed and walking towards the door, revealing Cadogan. "I assume you've convinced her then, Bellamy?" He glances between them, noting Bellamy must have stayed with her all night, hopefully convincing her to help. Though more was thought and implied, he said nothing.

"Yes, Shepard. Clarke has agreed to provide us with what we need on the key." Bellamy tries to keep a straight face and his voice steady, much to his luck it works.

"Glad to hear it. I'll give you a few minutes to meet us back in the room." He nods to Clarke. "You're making the right decision, Clarke. This will save lives. I assure you." She says nothing in reply. So long passes that Cadogan sighs knowing she's still unhappy with everything unfolding. Instead of waiting for her to say anything, he simply turns on his heel and leaves the room with the few disciples behind him.

Little did he know he would not get everything he assumed he would...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up, Clarke in the mcap machine again! What memories will she choose? What will Bellamy's reaction be when he hears her radio calls? How will Cadogan and the others react?


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memory and Radio call time! Lots of angst and made up memories, some are from the show, but the radio calls aren't. We'll just go with it lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Self harm referenced in this chapter.

Bellamy turns back to Clarke and helps her to her feet, both silent knowing what is coming. He gives her hands a reassuring squeeze and smiling at her. Hoping to give some support. Its not much, but she seems to be less tense now. She takes a deep breath and walks to the door, but he grabs her hand in his and shakes his head. 

"Together." Clarke stops and smiles, a real one this time. 

"Together."

They leave the room and go to mcap, but not before Bellamy changes into an outfit Cadogan and his people had left him. A white disciple suit. They make it to the mcap room and separate; Clarke goes to the chair while Bellamy stands by the door, his eyes glues to the screen near her. They had to stick to the plan. Clarke will let them see a few memories, only a few., and none about the flame, Madi being the commander, or anything related to them. No Gaia, no war that led to them coming to Sanctum, Bellamy's betrayal on putting the flame in Madi, none of it.Only a few events Clarke could use to distract Cadogan and his followers.

As if on time, the man in question shows and has a disciple start the mcap machine after strapping Clarke down. Bellamy internally flinches at the sight thinking the restraints were a bit excessive. But if they pushed too far then Clarke would start fighting, so keeping her down was a preparation thing, not violence. 

The headset is set up and mcap starts, the lights shining on her head as she groans lowly. The disciple with the glasses repeats the same questions from yesterday and the first image on the screen is Bellamy's face. This was when Clarke nearly fell in a panther trap as he catches her hand in his. The other, Wells and Finn, help him pull her up before the memory shifts to something else. Octavia jumping in water before being pulled under. This was when they first landed and she was attacked by a snake.

_"Oh my God. Octavia!" Clarke looks around and has them help her push a rock into water, distracting the creature long enough for Jasper to save Octavia._

_"Next time, save the girl." Monty says, and they all laugh, including Clarke before the memory changes again._

_Jasper drenched in sweat as Clarke wipes his forehead and clans his wound. Octavia helps her and they rejoice when he wakes up, asking for some moonshine to drink. Clarke nudges him and they all seem happy, despite the circumstances. They were making friendships and bonding, creating a family on the ground._

The next scene was Clarke smiling at Bellamy before walking off to get a drink. She deserved it after the time they've had lately. She was playing a drinking game with a few delinquents, balancing a coin on her nose while the others laughed. 

_"Wait, I've done this before I promise."_ She tries again and Bellamy bites back a smile. He misses the dropship days. Back then everything was so simple. While he is distracted in his thoughts a new memory plays, this one with her in a tent as Finn looks offended. 

_"You and Bellamy are leading us down a dangerous path."_

_"I trust him!"_

_"Clarke... You can't be serious."_

_"I am."_

_In a flash another memory pops up on the screen. Plants and trees everywhere as Clarke was running through the woods. Finn was beside her as they make a stop to drink water, not without looking back in cation. This was when they escaped Anya and the reapers._

_"Clarke, I'm in love with you." And Clarke doesn't answer. Instead she keeps her eyes down on the ground, ignoring him. "Say something."_

_"You broke my heart. I'm sorry, I can't- I just can't, Finn."_

Bellamy looks over at Clarke, tears forming in her eyes as she fights them off. This is so much harder than he imagined it be. Of course it would hurt her to relive these memories, to have someone else in her head again. Its been less than a week since Josephine and now this. But Bellamy didn't realize the extent of watching these memories play by that he realized how much worse it is. This was wrong on so many levels, no one should be seeing or hearing what they are, but they don't care. Bellamy is the only one fighting his discomfort while watching Clarke's memories. Some of them too private to be given. 

He suspects she doesn't want to show these, but she is still tired from fighting mcap yesterday, so a few loose memories escape and play out on the screen.

What comes next makes Bellamy look away, no longer can he look at and see what's there. Blood dripping from Clarke's hands as she whispers to a dying Finn. "I love you too."Her hand shakes as she steps back, holding in how much she was hurting. The pure shock from Lexa and the other grounders fills the screen, but Bellamy can't seem to look up yet. 

_"What if he can't?" Clarke's voice in a different scene cause him to look up again. She was in a tent with Lexa. "What if it was too dangerous and I sent him in there anyway."_

_"You care about him."_

_"I care about all of them." She says, hoping to push away any sight of her thinking about what the commander had said._

_"Yet you worry about him more."_

The disciples, even Cadogan glance between Bellamy and Clarke, none sure what to think about what they were seeing. The Shepard has them proceed on, seeing as these memories were getting them no where with the flame. A phrase is repeated, quiet and hard to hear at first. 'Love is weakness.' It continues on and on for a few moments as memories fast forward from Lexa, Finn, Abby, Wells, and a man Bellamy assumes is her father, and then himself. Once it stops Clarke groans and the disciple with the glasses steps back. She isn't the one moving Clarke's memories. Clarke is.

As the phrase 'Love is weakness' stops, two memories bounce back and forth. The first of Clarke and Bellamy walking, right after the peace deal and alliance was made. Bellamy had suggested he be the inside man but Clarke refuses to hear it. 

_"Since I don't answer to you I'm going to need another reason."_

_"I can't lose you too."_

Her words ring in his ears before the next memory plays, its Clarke contradicting herself. 'Love is weakness' repeats again and again before memory Clarke speaks again. She was answering Bellamy's question as to why she changed her mind on him going to Mount Weather as a spy

_"I was being weak."_

It doesn't take a genius to guess what Clarke meant by this. She didn't want Bellamy to go into Mount Weather because she loved him and didn't want to lose him like she did Finn. But Lexa had told her love was weakness, making Clarke change her mind on letting him leave. And she worried about him constantly while he was gone, even if she tried to hide it.

Bellamy looks to Clarke as she lays in the mcap chair, unmoving. But the tears in her eyes swell more and almost fall, but she keeps fighting them away. 

"Continue on. None of this has anything to do with the key." Cadogan's words shake Bellamy out of his trance, making him look away to the ground. 

Clarke grips onto the chair as her mind is pushed more. A groan leading to a small whimper releases from her but no screaming. Bellamy takes that as a good sign, as good as they could get that is. The room darkens more as a new memory is pushed through: Mount Weather. 

_Clarke was choking up, conflicted and not knowing what to do. Her mother was on a screen, screaming in pain from the bone marrow extraction while Octavia and Maya are taken down to be arrested. Several disciples gasped and looked away, not having the stomach to watch. Monty comes into view and says its done. All they have to do is pull the lever. They have to irradiate everyone in the mountain. Clarke is conflicted, beyond so, and Bellamy sees her on the brink of tears. Massacre a whole civilization or let her people, her mother, die._

_"My sister, My responsibility."_

_"I have to save them." Memory Bellamy places his hand on top of Clarke's, their eyes meeting in misery; they know what they have to do._

_"Together."Clarke looks to him before sighing, a small tear falling down her cheek before their hands move in sink; the lever pulled backwards. Hundreds of people begin to burn from radiation, all fall down to die..._

Everyone looks at Clarke in pure shock, even Cadogan is slightly uncomfortable. The woman before them will do anything she has to to save her people, including genocide. 

_"If you need forgiveness, I'll give that to you. You're forgiven!" Bellamy's voice comes from the screen, his eyes pleading with Clarke. "Please come inside."_

_"Take care of them for me."_

_"Clarke-"_

_"Seeing them everyday is only going to remind me of what I did to get them here."_

_"What we did! You don't have to do this alone." The injured people in Arkadia move all around in the line of sight as Clarke looks away from Bellamy. She can't stay._

_"I bare it so they don't have to." She reaches out to Bellamy, kisses his cheek before embracing him. The look on his face too much to bare itself._

A single tear slips down the real Clarke's face as the memory fades. This was one of her biggest regrets; she knows she should have stayed. Maybe then things would have been easier- different- and the unspoken with Bellamy would have been said. 

Cadogan looks between them knowingly. Their connection was strong, nearly unwavering, but Bellamy had kept his promise on getting Clarke to cooperate. He himself was conflicted on believing if Bellamy was a true believer. But when he looks away from Clarke with a straight face, he is reassured. Little does he know the turmoil Bellamy truly feels inside.

More memories flash by as the disciple moves forward. Images of Earth a Clarke struggle too survive alone, meeting Niylah, getting attacked by a panther... seeing Bellamy for the first time in months as he risks everything to save her from Roan. Then came the troubles of Polis, Pike, and even Lexa. Though the anger towards the commander eased into less hatred, it was still hard to watch. Some angry, other calm, and a few loving. A few tears slipped down Clarke's cheek as those memories replay, some were harder than most; but she had to go through with the plan, even if it was emotional pain instead of physical.

_"I need you. I need the guy who wouldn't let me pull that lever in mount weather by myself."_

_"You left me! You left everyone."_

Bellamy's betrayal then was no easier to bare than the most recent. Even if Bellamy was playing a role now, it still was hard to deal with. She was tortured for her memories 24 hours ago, and now they're here, thinking Bellamy is on their side like Pike had believed before. He can't keep watching for much longer, this needed to end soon. Memory after memory of the years on Earth played out, until that is everything went red. Primfaya. Clarke starts groaning and pulling again at the chair, fighting off the mcap, making the pain return like before. They've seen to much already, and she wasn't ready to relive the rest. 

"Clarke." Bellamy calls out, but she doesn't listen. Not right now.

She couldn't let anyone see what she went through after the death wave. Not the first year. If she did Bellamy would see her suffering. The pain she went through and had to endure because he left her behind. She knows he would slip back into regret and blame himself, Clarke knows. And she can't bare to relive those memories either; however, the disciples are determined to know more. They push and push until she screams, the pain from before returning at full force.

"Clarke!" Bellamy calls out again, this time closer to her.

For a moment she stills, fighting the anguish as she looks at him, and while his face is stoic she can see the agony in his eyes. He hates seeing her like this, knowing she is in pain and he can't do much to help her. Not now.

"Let them see." Is all he says, and another stream of tears fall down her cheek. She gives in heavily, keeping her fist clenched as she resist the urge to fight.

They had to see something or else things would get worse. They'd never be able to find out the truth, take out the cult, and return to Sanctum. This was Clarke playing her part. Cooperating, at least a little.

And she does.

First is Polis, the rubble nearly collapsing on her, then there's the sandstorms and the rover breaking down (Clarke having to resort to eating bugs as a source of protein) and then being trapped in a desert for days with no food, water, shelter, or anything at all to help her survive. Her skin dried and cracked, the radiation burns were visible and still healing from Primfaya, but then there was nothing. Complete darkness overcame the screen for an endless amount of time. Everyone looked to Clarke but noticed she wasn't in pain, this wasn't her fighting the mcap, it was her being unconscious. She passed out in the desert only to wake up with crows pecking at her flesh. She bolts awake and screams to the sky, her hand reaching for the gun in her holster.

As the memory plays everyone continues to glance at her and the screen, unsure how to process what was happening. Even Bellamy was unnerved. Clarke curses to herself and closes her eyes.

_No. He can't see me like that. No one can._

But as she tries to move past that memory the pain returns and her fist clench together,her legs kicking in protest.

_No! Don't let them see! Don't let Bellamy see. Don't think! Don't let them in!_

As she chants this in her mind a hand rest on top of hers, an instant calming sensation brushes through her hand. Clarke opens her eyes to see Bellamy standing next to her, his eyes pleading. If she keeps fighting like this they will keep asking questions and demanding more. This will only make it worse.

Resigning with a shaky breath, she closes here eyes letting a single tear fall. And the memory continues.

Clarke reaches for the gun and puts it to her temple, finger ready to pull the trigger. There was no hope, no way out. To her the only future she had was a slow death as she remembers those she loves, now gone forever or are out of reach, and this was her way out. But just as she starts to pull a bird comes into view; there was hope after all.

She follows the bird, and though it takes several tries it leads her to the last green place on Earth, Shadow Valley. Hope and happiness eliminates from her face as she sees it all. This is it. This is how she survived.

Clarke finds a body of water and stops to her under garments before jumping in, relishing in the feeling of the water lapping around her. This was true peace, and even the disciples watching sensed that. Bellamy though was still tense beside her, he never knew what Clarke had struggled with while on Earth, and now he does. Now he will.

After some time passed Clarke pulls out her radio, animatedly talking to Bellamy in space. He never answers, and as Clarke later learns he never heard anyone of her calls. Bitterly she thinks, he will now. This is not how she imagined he'd hear them.

_"Its been 82 days since_ _primfaya_ _and for once things are looking up. I found a patch of green called Shadow Valley. Its like the death wave jumped right over it. But not the radiation though..." As she says this images from her memory of burned people and children flash on the screen. Their deaths from the wave. "I hope things will get better after this, Bellamy. I'm so tired. Tired of everything. Fighting, being at war, being surrounded by death. Maybe once you come home things will look up more. You've always given me hope, even when there was none to have. Even now you are and you're not even here. Not really anyway." She laughs lightly while smiling. "But I can't wait till you come back."_

_"Its day 186, not much to say today really. I caught a fish on spear on my own! I think I'm getting the hang of it so far. My skill is no where near as advanced but... its better than it was before. But yeah, that's been my day so far." She laughs. "I guess I should go though, get this food to the village. I'll call you later tonight."_

_"365 days, Bellamy. A whole year since you've been gone. Honestly it feels longer and I-I just..." She stops and takes a deep breath, shaking herself out of her slump. "I miss you guys. And I miss you, Bellamy. I don't even know if you all are alive or... no, don't do this to yourself. Positive thoughts Clarke. Sorry, its been a rough day. It would be better if I heard back from you though. Easier." She stays silent for several moments, long enough the memory is nearly done, before she mutters five words to the radio. Five words to Bellamy. "Ai huld yu in, Bellamy. I'll see you in four more years."_

_"Day 432 I believe? Sorry I'm loosing track of the days. I've been sick and can't exactly keep the numbers straight in my head. But don't worry! I'm fine. Seriously, Bellamy I can see you freaking out right now, but I promise I'm okay. Its just a cold."_

_"Hey Bell. Sorry its been a few days. Its day 658 I think. I just... haven't really been myself I guess. Madi is worried out of her mind, I've even seen her trying to radio you when she thinks I'm still in bed. And to answer your question I know you're asking, yes I've been...sleeping in. I haven't really had the energy to do anything, let alone walk outside the cabin for water really. Madi's been fussing over me because of it and while its cute, its still a little irritating. I know she means well but... I don't know. I just wanna be left alone." She sighs deeply, not saying anything for a number of minutes. "I keep thinking about everyone. Before things got so complicated. It was so much easier being at war with the grounders than this. Never thought I'd say I miss the dropship days but, I kind of do. I even miss your stubborn jack ass provado some days." She laughs lightly reminiscing. "Back when we hated each other. Its funny how things have changed, but I'm happy they did. I never would have thought I'd love the man that put me through hell and nearly let me fall to my death and threatened to cut of my hand for a wrist band but... here we are. I love you Bellamy, more than words can say. I just wish I could have told you sooner."_

_"I know this is probably random but, do you ever think back to your past and think what the hell was I thinking? And I can hear you laughing by the way but I'm being serious, Bell. I was helping Madi with her hair earlier and was suddenly reminded of being on the Ark with my dad, mom and Wells. And I just thought of a stupid prank Wells and I pulled on Jaha and my dad. We uh..." She chuckles a little before continuing. "We sort of bugged the tv screen so it shut off right in the middle of a football game, so they started freaking out! Like I've never seen my dad so panicked in my life!" She laughs loudly. "God I miss him...But yeah I don't know why but for some reason I've just been thinking about the past lately. Well, no I guess its not random. There isn't much to do down here really except hunt, eat, and think. Just surviving I guess. Its pretty boring though, not gonna lie. It's be more fun with you around though, Bell. I wish you were here. Maybe you could tell me a story of you and Octavia doing something on the Ark. I miss you. Time can't move fast enough."_

_"Its been a full four years now! I honestly can't wait until you guys get down here. Shadow Valley is just the perfect place to start over. After everything we've been through, doing what we've had to do to survive, I think peace is what we deserve, don't you? No more threats of worrying about random attacks. No more wars of death. No more killing and doing unspeakable thing to save the people we love..." She stops and sighs, the nostalgia hitting her more. "Don't get me wrong, if I have to I will do everything I can to keep you safe, Bellamy. You know I would, and I have. You and everyone in the bunker and on the Ring, but its nice not having to make those choices. Be the one who chooses who lives and who dies. I'm glad Wanheda has been put to rest. Now its time to just be Clarke."_

_"Hey! Only 3 months left until you come down! I honestly can't believe its been nearly five years already, but then again it feels even longer than that because you haven't been here... with me. Its been tough, not gonna lie, but even when you aren't by my side I know I can still rely on you to keep me sane. To protect me and keep me alive. So thank you, Bellamy. I can't tell you how grateful I am for that." Clarke stills for a moment before releasing a deep breath. "I love you, for it Bell. And for a ton of other thing, really. But anyway uhm... I know its still really early so I'll let you get to breakfast. I just wanted to talk to you before I got busy. I'll call you later tonight."_

_"Todays the day and honestly I know I shouldn't worry as much. Its not like you'll be back exactly 5 years after primfaya, but.... I don't know I'm just overthinking I guess. Uh... I-" She stops to gulp and swallow down any fear before speaking again. "I'll see you guys soon."_

_"Hey Bell. Its been 5 years and 3 months but... still no sign of you coming down. Apart of me is hoping its just a technical problem, maybe you're having issues with the rocket or something. But the other part of me is losing hope. I'm trying not to, Bellamy. I really am." Her voice starts cracking and she takes in a deep breath, trying to control her breathing before it gets out of control. A few tears have already found their way down her cheek. "Are you even alive? Did you make it to the ring in time? For over 5 years I've been doing nothing but hoping to see you again and I-I'm not even sure I got the power on to make sure you got to live." She's starting to sob now, her words jumbled. "Bell'my... please just... just answer me. Please! A sign, static, anything to know you made it. Please Bellamy! Come back to me."_

Cadogan sighs in frustration with each memory and presses on. None have anything to do with the key. "Go further back again. There may be something we've missed." 

The disciple does as he is told and finds a memory of Lexa, but she was covered in black blood.This was when she was shot and died. Bellamy looks to Clarke as she grips the chairs arms tightly. She doesn't want to relive this again, but she's too tired to fight much more. They've invaded her mind for too long already and seen too much, there was only so much more she could possibly take.

_"Life is about more than just surviving." Lexa's last words before her last breath is taken, leaving a devastated Clarke and an entirely shocked Murphy. The flame keeper comes into view and Clarke kicks on her chair fighting the memory, but it was too late. The flame came into view._

"There! That's it. Keep pushing forward." Cadogan orders, a new found thrill in his character as he sees the flame in Clarke's mind. 

The Flame keeper removes the flame and puts it in a box, handing it to Clarke and Murphy. They were responsible for it now. But as soon as the box closes, the screen goes blank and Clarke's voice comes back; it was another radio call.

_"Hey Bell, I know it pretty late but I'm kind of struggling to sleep. Madi is out for the night, which is good because she's been running around like a crazy person all day. But that's because of the new berries we found near a cave by the mountain a few miles away." Clarke chuckles at the thought of seeing Madi so hyper. "And since she is asleep everything seems so quiet... lonely. I know you won't respond but, calling out to you helps a little anyway." She breaths deeply before sighing, hesitating to speak more. "Today's the day Lexa died all those years ago. I guess Madi knew I was having a rough day so that's why we walked so far out to the mountain. You know... before she died she said something to me, something I've been thinking about for a while really. She said 'life should be more about just surviving', and she was right. Its so peaceful down here, Bellamy. We're surviving, yeah, but we're also living. We've rebuilt the village, I've been teaching Madi to read and speak better English, we spend time swimming in the lake and drawing under the stars... its just so, I guess, perfect. Mostly that is. It'd be better if you were here though. Then I'd know we were really living. Plus I know things would be less boring, what with your jokes and absurd amount of Greek mythology facts. We would never not learn something new from you, Bell."_

"Go back again. This has nothing to do with the key." As Cadogan says this, Clarke takes in a ragged breath, her eyes drooping closed. She was getting too tired to keep going on like this. 

"Shepard," Bellamy calls out, grabbing the man's attention. "Perhaps we should let Clarke rest for the time being. She's been willing to let you see her memories, but from being in mcap yesterday and today as well, she's become exhausted. I think we should let her take a a break before proceeding any further."

Cadogan thinks it over, glancing from Clarke to the screen. They didn't get much information, instead they caught a small glimpse of the key, but it was enough to know that Clarke had in fact had contact with it at some point in time. Therefore she did know about it and could be more useful. They may not have everything they needed, but it was a start. He nods to Bellamy before having the mcap turned off, and sending Clarke back to her room to rest.

The others may not see it, but Bellamy screams internally from relief. Clarke was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was wayyy longer than I expected, but nonetheless, I hope I did not disappoint (Unlike the show!) Such a wasted opportunity. I hope you all enjoyed my take on having Bellamy see and hear her memories and Radio calls. Lets see where this goes next😉


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm just gonna put this out there rn... I have not seen the latest episode of the 100 but I did see a video spoiler and .... I can't even with this horrible writing anymore. It never fails. Everytime a show ends the writers and directors always fuck things up. Always!! I'm not going to say what happened for those who don't like spoilers, however I will say this. 
> 
> I am now making this fic a fix it for the second half of the damn season. Not just for 7x11 anymore. The rest of the season because this is complete and utter Bull shit!!! 
> 
> Thank you for coming to allowing that mini rant. Now to the continued story.

"Your presences seems to be helping with progress. So thank you." The Shepard speaks to Bellamy outside of mcap, having pulled him aside to talk while the disciple finishes up with the machine.

"I believe in the cause, sir. Clarke is the key and we need it to save the human race. To fight the last war of man kind. We can't do that if she doesn't help." 

"And right you are." Shepard nods and smirks in agreement, happy to have the key's most trusted companion on his side... or so he thinks.

Once Cadogan steps away for lunch, Bellamy heads back into mcap and undoes Clarke's straps. The disciple in the room past no mind, too busy scrolling through the list of memories they now have from today. The memories... Bellamy gulps and forces down the bile rising in his throat. He didn't expect her to share as much as she did; that is unless she was too exhausted to fight and she didn't chose the last few memories at all. Maybe she was... 

Clarke really did call him everyday day for six years. And she struggles so much when she was alone, even more than he thought possible. Sure he knew it was almost impossibly for her to be alive, let alone survive on a wasteland of a planet for six years, but it was so different to think of what she went through and actually seeing it.

Then there was her intimate moments...

She loves him. Clarke said she loved him over and over again and he never heard it before. He never got her calls and she thought he was dead. 

And now he could make amends for it all.

Once they were back in his room, Clarke fell asleep almost instantly once she lies down on the bed. Bellamy, with as much bold as he could muster, lied beside her and wrapped his arms around her, engulfing her body with his own. She sighs content and rests her head on his chest, dozing off completely. Bellamy wasn't sure how long they stayed like this, long enough for him to begin to doze off as well, but before he could the door opens; in walks Octavia. 

"There you are, I've been looking everywhere." "

"O what are you doing? I told you to-"

"I know. And we will, but there's something you need to see first." Octavia explains the situation at hand and why she needs Bellamy's help.

Jordan and Niylah decoded the message they saw and think they know what the last war really is. If they're right, Cadogan was way off from what he thought. His entire system of beliefs and teachings are wrong and leading down the path of destruction for the human race, not the salvation. But they need Bellamy's help with confirmation and connecting the last few ideas to be sure. And Raven, being Raven, memorized the code for getting back to Sanctum, she knows several codes for planet hoping, so she knows how to get back and make sure the others don't follow. 

  
While it was all hope filled and slightly good news, Bellamy knew he couldn't just leave. One look at Clarke and his chest pulled at him enough to tell him to stay.

"Octavia-" 

"I'll stay with her." At his hesitation she steps closer sitting in front of her brother. "Bell I won't let anything bad happen to her, okay? Trust me, Clarke will be right here when you get back." He thinks it over before nodding, laying Clarke down on the pillow. She groans sleepily but snuggles into the bed when he kisses her head. 

He mumbles in her ear before leaving, hoping she can hear him still. "I love you too." 

Even if Clarke didn't hear, Octavia certainly seem too. Bellamy doesn't miss the bitten smirk on his sisters face. He blushes but she says nothing, nodding to the door to make him leave, and he does. 

As Bellamy makes his way to meet Niylah, Jordan, Raven, and Miller, he is stopped by Cadogan himself. Something was off. 

"My shepherd." Bell at slightly bows his head before looking up and seeing dissatisfaction on Cadogans face.

"Bellamy. Walk with us, please." Cadogan was stiff, more so than usual, but Bellamy follows. It wasn't as if he had a choice. 

As they continue to walk they stop at the stone room door and instantly Bellamy's heart drops out of his chest. They know. Cadogan glances at Bellamy before having the door opened. When it does he's met with the sight of Raven, Miller, and the others being restrained by guards. All except Echo. Confusion must cross Bellamy's face because only a moment passes before Cadogan explains what is happening.

"Your friend, Echo, has been sent to penance for ten years after her fiasco with attempting to kill us all." Bellamy nods at this understanding why they did it. "And as for these four.... Well they were caught by disciple Adam trying to escape."

"Escape?"

"Yes." He paces in the room silently before stopping in front of Bellamy, something similar to disappointment and accusing in his next words. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about this would you?"

"No, my Shepard. I knew nothing about this." As he says this, Bellamy glances around the room at the others, their faces a mixture of hurt, confusion, and anger. 

Cadogan seems to believe him well enough, but that doesn't stop him from testing Bellamy's loyalty a bit further. 

"In that case... what should we do with them? Seeing as they seem to be 'unhappy' here in Bardo and unaccepting of our graces." Because of this Bellamy internally panics. Where can they be sent to where it would be safe?? Then he has an idea. 

"Send them away as leverage. Somewhere safe where they can be retrieved if needed." Miller squints his eyes but gets the game and shakes his head. Play along. After all that note in Hopes arm wasn't for nothing. Trust Bellamy.

"You really think Clarke will be okay with this?" 

"It's not about what she thinks, Miller. This is bigger than the rest of us." Cadogan nods in approval while Raven scoffs and mumbles under her breath. 

"Wow Blake." She stares at him coldly before being put in cuffs. 

"Find the others and retrieve Clarke. We need to finish what we started." He watches Bellamy closely as he says this, but don't notice the internal turmoil he is struggling with. "Do you agree disciple Blake?" 

"Yes Shepard" Bellamy gulps but nods and turns back around, getting the hint he needs to get Clarke. 

What else can go wrong now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone wants to rant about the complete mess of season 7 or the last episode, dm me on Tumblr or wattpad. Rant away because we all need to fix this. And to think things couldn't get worse!🤬😤


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cadogan has lost his patience and he was done playing games. Time was up. He was going to find the flame no mater the cost....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo its been a while lol I started writing this chapter way back after chapter 7 then got writers block. I picked it up a few days ago and planned on publishing it then but somehow wattpad lost everything. Eventually though I found a way to restore the text, so, here it is!

Clarke wakes wearily, her vision slightly blurred from sleep. She knew something was off the moment she felt the bed empty beside her. Bellamy was gone. She notices at this and sits straighter, her eyes searching frantically.

"Hey! It's okay. Bell went with the others for a minute. Jordan and Niylah found something."

Clarke's brow furrows as she glances at her surroundings again. Still no Bellamy. She rests a hand on her temple with keeping a groan to herself. Her head still throbbing from mcap.

"What'd they find?" She voices, finally absorbing what Octavia said.

"I'm not really sure, but it proves Cadogans faith is a bunch of bullshit." This rouses a chuckle from the blonde. "There is no last war, it's something else. I'm not really sure how to explain it, Jordan was going all Monty in there, but... It seemed legit."

"Monty would be proud he rubbed off on him so much."

"Yeah. He would."

Both woman smile in nostalgia, grieving a little for the lose of their friends before the door to the room burst open. Clarke jumps and groans, the movement too fast for her fragile state of mind, while Octavia stands in defense. In seconds they were surrounded.

"What is this?" Octavia voices, looking at the disciples and then to Cadogan as he strides into the room, his hands clasped behind him.

"Put her in a separate room with her friend and take the key back to mcap." He orders, and the others obey.

"What?! No! We had an agreement."

Clarke attempts to fight out of the guards grasp, but she was far to exhausted to do to much more. She continues to struggle and land a kick to the mans groin before slipping back. Another appears behind her and forces her down, bounding her wrists

"Let her go!" Octavia tries to lunge, but is held back and taken away. "Clarke!! No!"

Octavia is forced out of the room while Clarke is taken as well, back to the white room. She tries to fight back, but it was no use. She was too exhausted and worn out from previous mcap sessions, she couldn't get away. As she looks around the room a single thought pops into her mind: Where is Bellamy?

"Disciple Blake won't be joining us. I've reassigned him else where." Cadogan was no fool, sure Bellamy passed the small test when it came to his friends, but with Clarke? He couldn't risk it. Cadogan needed to do this himself. This ends today. "Seeing as this will be out last session, he will deal with another priority."

Clarke gulps at the sound of Cadogan's voice, his words sinking in. His threat clear. Give me what I want or die. Whether or not Clarke had the information he wanted was irrelevant, they would kill her in mcap if it meant finding the whereabouts of the flame.

She shoves herself back and away from the chair, she can't do this. Not agai, not now. Too soon. Too much. Clarke is hit with a surge of adrenaline as she pulls her arm free and fights off the two by her side, but they weren't alone. Suddenly she was struck from behind, her leg giving out from under her.

"No! Let me go!!" She shouts as they heave her up and into the chair forcefully.

"Detain her and start. We've lost enough time already."

"Ugh! NO!!" Clarke shoves and pulls but to no avail, they tie her down with every restraint, her wrists, ankles, legs, forehead, and abdomen, are tightly done. She can't move.

The needle from above moves down as the head set is put near her head once more. Before she knows it the mcap machine starts and they are digging through her mind. Clarke tries to resist but the pure exhaustion from before sets in, it's nearly impossible to keep them out.

She can't get out of this. She needs Bellamy.

**~~~**

The wiring sounds again like it had before, the machine ready to use. The disciple pulls up the screen of Clarke's mind for Cadogan to see. It doesn't take long for the neural link to engage and give them access to her memories. She wiggles and fights but nothing helps. She can't get out of this alone. They dig through each one, looking for the small AI. 

They find the memory of Lexa again, and then it moves forward to Clarke handing over the Flame to Murphy, then she's in the City of Light again. The symbol appears several times but not in the way Cadogan wishes to see it. The disciple pushes forward and finds Abby taking the flame out of Clarke's mind.

"Now where does it go?" Cadogan mumbles under his breath, but his gaze is on Clarke.

They dig for what felt like hours, but they never truly find what they sought out to discover. Memory after memory plays on the screen and the key was never the focus. Clarke tried as hard as she could to divert the attention elsewhere, but it was taking a toll on her body and mind. She couldn't keep this up.

_"Clarke?" He pulls her from the side and their eyes meet, tears threatening to spill._

Clarke's eyes snap open at this and she knows what's coming. The 6 year wait of seeing Bellamy was over. This was when he rescued her from Eligius.

_"Now you're home." Her voice cracks, and Bellamy nods, pulling her against him. His hand moves up and down her back soothingly, sometimes squeezing her, seeing is this was real. If she was real. And she was._

This was one of the happiest moment's in Clarke's life when Bellamy came down from space.... Until it wasn't.

_"You promised! You said you'd protect her!" Clarke shouts at Bellamy, his gaze tethered to the ground._

_"I'm sorry but this is happening."_

_"NO!! BELLAMY!!!"_

_Clarke pulls at her the chains while Bellamy takes the flame from the container. He gives Clarke a sympathetic look before storming out of the room._ Its the memory of Madi getting the flame. 

When this happens Clarke panics, pulling at her restraints again, harder than before, but they never budge. Cadogan looks in her direction before ordering the disciple to stop on the memory for closer examination, and Clarke fights harder. She brings another memory to mind, one more distracting and painful; primfaya. 

She hated this memory more than she could say. Not because she was left behind, no, but because of the pain that came with it. She was caught in the radiation storm, her body burning alive before she made it into Becca's lab and slammed the door shut. The pain and agony she felt that day, feeling death surround her like a cloud of smoke, seeing the death wave, running for her life.... it was strong enough to help Clarke pull her memories under some restraint. Some.

Cadogan sighs in frustration and has the disciple dig deeper, flipping through her mind again. Clarke bites down at the pain from the machine. Her resistance slipping more. 

_"I can't loose you too." The image of Madi, pale and angered shows on the screen while a sobbing Clarke kneels on the ground, a gun to her own head. "I'm going to pull the trigger. In three... Two... One..." Madi struggles internally before gasping._

_"No!" She shouts, then orders orders Wonkru to stand down in trig._

_Madi lunges for Clarke, and she holds the young one tight, Both sobbing in each others shoulders. Madi was okay. She was back... until she had a seizure. Madi is rushed away to be seen, and Raven says it was Shiedheda's doing._

_"Well do something!" Clarke panics. The others see her unease and Raven starts coding, saying she could kill him, but it would destroy the flame. Clarke looks between the computer and her daughter knowing what she would choose. "Do it."_

"No!" Cadogan yells. The flame is taken out of Madi's mind, stiff and inactive. It was gone. . He looks to Clarke, sweaty and exhausted, tears and blood falling. She hit her head repeatedly before they strapped her in, but it was no use. They tied her down before she could do any real damage. "You've condemned us all!" Clarke chuckles, deluded. 

"You're wrong." She says glancing at him from the corner of her eye. "I saved my daughter. Less can be said from you. You're the one who got her killed in the first place." She didn't mean to slip up, but the exhaustion caused her to. Cadogan's eyes widen before he looks between her and the machine. 

"You know how my daughter died?" Clarke internally squirms. _Fuck_. "How?" 

Clarke says nothing, instead closes her eyes and tries to think of something else, anything from when she had the flame, but it doesn't work. Pain course through her entire body, making her cry out. She nearly sees nothing but black until a memory unfamiliar to her plays. 

"Becca?!" Becca primheda's face flashed across the screen, and the young woman's voice sparks recognition in Cadogan. It was his daughter speaking.

"Calliope." Cadogan sighs in relief. 

_No! No No!_ _This wasn't suppose to happen. Fuck!_

Clarke's breathing heightens into frenzied panic. She tugs and wiggles as much as possible, but the restraints kept her still. Cadoan notices and smiles. "So you do have what I need? Well then...It appears we don't need the 'flame' after all."

Clarke glares and tries to toss her head aside, but nothing works. Tears flow freely as they dg deeper into her mind, parts where even she didn't know existed. Unlike Madi, Clarke never had the commanders memories play in her mind as she slept. Clarke never had the flame long enough for it to work that way, but somehow they stayed deep within her mind. Hidden.

And now they were surfacing in front of Cadogan...

_Bellamy where are you?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9 is already has already been started so hopefully it won't take as long to update again. I hope you all enjoy this bit! Feel free to leave comments and kudos to let me know what you think :)  
> (Also yes this has somehow turned into an entire fix it of season 7 after episode 11... so yeah. Here we go with this lol)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy and the others need to act fast. Can they do it? Will Clarke survive long enough?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really short chapter! I was going to make it longer but decided to separate the two halves instead.   
> The whole transcendence thing never sat well with me... it just didn't make sense. The original plot of the show was lost and idk what to think of the series finale other than it was trash. *shrugs* So I came up with something else. 
> 
> Plus Bellamy speaks trig! Translation at the end :)

Bellamy walks briskly to the room his sister and Raven were sent to. They need a plan and to discuss what to do next. The only way to do that discretely was to continue playing Cadogans game. Bellamy's white clothes stood out among the rest, compared to those in all grey or guard suits. One look at his appearance and it was all too believable what he was doing there. Convince the prisoners to believe and join the cause

The guards let Bellamy pass with no issues, stepping aside and opening the locked door behind them. When he enters both Raven and Octavia stand and take him in. Octavia's face morphs into confusion while Raven sneers in disgust.

We'll at least the disguise was working...

As the door shuts behind him he searches for any listening devices. Once found he hands them to Raven who deactivates them, though her expression was still not pleased. He sighs then and tries to explain.

"I know you're angry-"

"Angry? You turned your back on us, Blake!" Raven shouts, and he gestures for her to simmer down, lowering her voice. 

"Oso lukot laik klir en kiken, ai don gon em. Ai'm ona oyo sad, ai would nowe bastab yu." Octavia sees the sincerity in her brothers face and relaxes, uncrossing her arms. "Osir na fig au em pas hogeda ste odon. Nau osir gaf in kom fronzeda op ona kep klark fou emo frag em op." His voice cracks. "Osir gaf in a strat."

"We had a plan, Bellamy, and now we're fucked." Raven scolds, not fully convinced.

"Raven, tell him what Jordan said." Bellamy looks between them, curious. Jordan didn't have time to explain his discovery before Cadogan interfered and took Clarke.

"Cadogan's an idiot and so is his cult."

"Something new, Raven. Not what we already know." Octavia says with exasperation. Raven looks at her and sighs, she's right.

"There is no last war, and that ball of light you saw on Ethera wasn't transcendence, it was some freak delusion like the anomaly blast on Sanctum. The only difference is the yellow light gives off pleasant delusions, peace. This transcendence crap is the same thing. There is no war, its a damn story book. Like a sci-fi you would find in the Ark Archives. Each Planet is different and has its own strange delusion or something. The anomaly for Sanctum, Ethera was the yellow light... and that's as far as Jordan got before Octavia went to find you."

"So basically its all a lie. A misinterpretation." Bellamy sums up, and his sister confirms this.

"Pretty much." The younger Blake says.

"There is no last war or transcending an entire race. Its all made up to scare people into not messing with the bio weapon." Raven states.

"That makes a lot more sense than becoming light and living forever." Bellamy mumbles under his breath.

"No shit." Octavia chuckles, shaking her head at the insanity of it all. "But Cadogan has it stuck in his head this is real. He's torturing Clarke, planning on killing her to get what he wants. What then? We have to stop him before-"

She stops herself mid sentence, knowing she couldn't say more. And she don't have to. Both Bellamy and Raven understood the unspoken words... Stop Cadogan before he kills Clarke over a false prophecy. If he does and he tries to transcend? A war will break out before his followers realize he was wrong. Clarke would have died for nothing.

Bellamy can't lose her again.

"I'll do what I can to get you out of here, take out one of the guards so you can steal his suit. While you do I'll find Clarke." His throat closes up on her name, fear coming back in his voice. Hopefully he finds her alive and not hurt.... Or worse. Octavia senses his fear and rests a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry big brother. We'll get her back."

Bellamy says nothing in response, instead he nods while his shoulders slump, true exhaustion taking over.

He steps away to knock on the door, the guards letting him out. He glances over his shoulder at his sister and Raven before looking away. They didn't have much time to act. Bellamy needed to do something and fast. It was now or never.

As Bellamy leaves the room, he stops to speak to the guard, saying those in the room will not cooperate. He states Cadogan gave him orders to see the key soon, but first he was assigned to persuade the non believers. It didn't work. Seeing as Octavia and Raven were still against the cause, a guard needed to be inside to keep the peace until Bellamy returned. He explains Octavia may begin to truly believe while Raven is not at all convinced, and the two are having conflict, fighting against the belief.

The guards believe him and separate. One by Bellamy's side to see Clarke while the other goes in the room with Octavia and Raven.

Phase one of the plan complete. Next save Clarke and find their friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation:
> 
> Trig: Oso lukot laik klir en kiken, ai don gon em. Ai'm ona oyo sad, ai would nowe bastab yu. Osir na fig au em pas hogeda ste odon. Nau osir gaf in kom fronzeda op ona kep klark fou emo frag em op. Osir gaf in a strat.
> 
> English: Our friends are safe and alive, I made sure of it. I'm on your side, I would never betray you. We can find them after all is done. Now we need to focus on saving Clarke before they kill her. We need a plan.
> 
> Lots of angst coming up! Be ready...


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rescue mission is a go! But will Bellamy get there in time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter this round, but I figured since it was such a recent update, it would be okay for now lol

Back in the mcap room the screen of Calliope memories phases in and out, Clarke screaming at the searing pain. With each passing moment Cadogan grows more impatient, pacing the floor. Minutes feel like hours as the memories are trifled through, until suddenly everything goes black. Levitt stops the machine immediately and looks to Cadogan, fear and worry taking over. 

"She's seizing! I think we should bring Dr. Santiago back." As Levitt trips over his words, Cadogan tightens his jaw. They were so close yet so far from what he needed to know.

"No. Dr. Santiago will stay in confinement for now. The key will be fine, its just a waiting game from here." 

He sighs in frustration as Clarke stops seizing and stays unconscious. "She could use a break, Shepard." Levitt says, and Cadogan huffs.

The flame was not appearing as often and Clarke was fighting harder than before, but they couldn't use her if she was dead. He walks out of the room for a lunch break of his own, hoping to release some tension at the situation at hand. Which meant leaving Levitt alone with Clarke. Her skin was icy pale, foam at the tips of her lips. Hesitantly he wipes it away before inspecting further injuries, frowning at his discovery.

The wound on her neck was reopened, the stitches ruptured from struggling so much against her restraints. Black trickled down the base of her neck and onto the floor, contrasting t the pure white color of the room. Levitt physically halts before grabbing a cloth to apply pressure on her neck, making the blood stop. He finds a patch and makes quick work of it before sighing deeply.

So much had happened in what seemed like a short amount of time. Everything the young man though he knew was turned upside down; sores he taught coming to life. Someone who held the knowledge to save all of man kind. Someone whom was sitting across from him now. This was never how he imagined meeting the one who would save the human race... With a deep breath he holds the cloth to one side of her temple, mulling over the events of the past 48 hours. The key, the person who had the potential to save them all was dying, and he couldn't do much to stop it.

As he stands, lost in thought, the door opens from across the room. Levitt steps back from Clarke, expecting Cadogan, but no one appears. Levitt knows it had to be someone, so he holds the cloth to her head while looking around. And still, no one.

Instantaneously someone appears from thin air, the invisibility portion of the guard suit deactivated. The person points the weapons at Levitt and Levitt sighs in relief. This was a rescue.

"Bellamy or Raven?" At this the imposter falters, then takes the helmet off, his gaze steal as he stares at the woman in the chair.

"What did you do?" He rushes over to Clarke, unconscious and still bleeding from her temples. " **What did you do**!?!" Bellamy rushes over and unstraps every restraint in sight, pulling her to him. However She was unresponsive and cold, her pulse weak. 

"I-I stopped the machine before it got worse. Cadogan brought me in to help retrieve her memories about the key." 

"She doesn't have the damn memories!" Bellamy shouts, his skin brining with rage, but at the look of pity from Levitt, he grows worried. 

"She does." He whispers, almost afraid to say it aloud. "A memory of Becca came on the monitor from Clarke, but they've never met. Whatever happened when Clarke had the key, it gave her the memories. She's been fighting harder than I've ever seen anyone with mcap." As he says this Bellamy looks down at Clarke, cradling her head against his chest. 

He feels for a pulse again and it's faint, much harder to find than before. Bellamy notices the quick patch work on her neck and the blood coated on the white towel in Levitt's hand. "She doesn't deserve this." Bellamy mumbles. 

"I'm sorry. I did what I could to make this as easy as possible but the Shepard-" 

"He isn't a damn Shepard! He's a fraud and liar. A false God. There is no fucking transcendence! Its a warning and a story tale. Cadogan misinterpreted the damn text. There is no light or transcending to peace. This is what we've got and that's that!" A tear escapes as Bellamy shouts, holding the woman he loves closer. She still hasn't moved and her pulse was weakening by the second. 

Levitt notices the intimate hold and looks down, Bellamy's words sinking in. "If what you say is true, then... What do we do? He won't stop until he gets the code from her mind." 

And that was all it took for Bellamy to break his gaze from the blonde in his arms to the man in white standing before whom, anger building by the second. He wants Cadogan dead, he wants them all to pay... But he knows that would never meet Monty's promise. They need to do better, and that's what they'll do. 

Bellamy thinks back to a time when something like this had happened before. Lives at risk with little options left. The culling on the Ark was a result, when really there was an easier way. Clarke's dad saw that and Bellamy knew that was what they needed to do. He looks at Levitt with deadly determination, his eyes puffy and red stealer with determination.

"We tell everyone the truth."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter diverges even more with additional angst and small triumphs, but Sanctum is coming up soon! I hope you all enjoy so far :)


	11. Chapter 11

"Tell them the truth? How?"

"We broadcast a message and release it." Bellamy looks to the door and down at Clarke, he knows what has to be done but is reluctant to leave her. Levitt notices the motion and steps away.

"What do you need?"

"Raven."

Levitt nods in understanding before rushing out of the door to find the woman they need. He finds her in the anomaly room with Octavia, stopping as he takes a breath. Both women eye him suspiciously as he points down the hall.

"Bellamy... Clarke... Mcap room. He needs your help." He looks to Raven and she glances at Octavia who nods in Levitt's direction. They can trust him.

"Lead the way."

Raven takes off with Levitt towards mcap, stopping as they see Bellamy holding an unmoving Clarke. Ravens eyes widen, her lips parting in a gasp as she sees the blonde. She looks to Bellamy for answers, but they don't have time to waste.

"I need to get her to Sanctum to see Jackson. You can get us there." Raven nods frantically as she steps closer, looking down at Clarke. Tears filling the brunettes eyes. "But first I need you to expose Cadogan."

"Expose him? How?"

"The same way Clarke's dad tried to tell everyone the Ark was running out of oxygen."

Understanding dawn's on the woman as she nods slowly. "Video projection through the entire compound. Got it."

"Good. I'm going to get us the hell out of here." Bellamy storms out of the mcap and towards the anomaly room. Raven follows suit and inputs the code, a green portal opening.

"Go save her. We got this."

Bellamy shifts her weight against him before stepping through the green mist. Everything around them spins into chaos until Bellamy's feet hit solid ground. Clarke never stirs once. Concern morphs into unchecked fear as he holds her against him, tighter than before. Bellamy looks around him, his breath catching. 

There on the floor next to a thrown of skulls lied a decapitated and very dead Russel Prime. Though it couldn't have been Russel given the one eye patch, grounder attire, and hair style. It was Sheidheda. With the clock ticking Bellamy never gave the dead body a second thought as he noticed the surrounding chaos slow to a near halt. 

Indra and several others were fighting against those of Wonkru, ones loyal to Sheidheda no doubt. But they all stopped mid fight as the portal from the anomaly opened, in appearing Bellamy with Clarke.

"About time." Murphy says, but as he speaks his eyes land on Clarke in Bellamy's arms, and she isn't moving. "What happened to her?" 

"Where's Jackson?" 

"In the reactor room. Why-" But before he could finish his sentence, Bellamy rushes off, carrying a dangling Clarke. Murphy stands, shocked, before following his oldest friends. As he does his eyes land on Clarke. She's still unconscious, black blood covering her skin and clothes.

"Seriously, Bellamy, what the hell happened out there?" Clarke still doesn't budge, her body limp in Bellamy's arms, leaving Murphy to continue to eye her suspiciously. "Is she..?"

"Not yet. But I need Jackson!" Murphy nods sternly as they rush to the reactor room, Murphy entering the code to open the door.

Emori is the first to see them, embracing John before her eyes land on Clarke. Murphy pulls away instantly, knowing they were running out of time, and yells once more for Jackson. He emerges then, a questioning look on his face. They didn't know about Sheidheda yet, so seeing the door open and having Murphy yell for the doctor was worrisome. That is to say unit his gaze lands on the remaining Griffin.

"No..." He rushes towards Bellamy, reaching out to Clarke, giving her a fast examination over her wounds.

"Please tell me this isn't as bad as I think it is." As the Blake stands there, gripping the blonde to his chest, Jackson looks up. Bellamy's voice was low and rough, his eyes glassing over as he fights back the tears straining to fall.

The doctor gulps before looking down again, framing Clarke's face. "Set her down over here." Bellamy follows the man through the rooms and lays Clarke down on a makes-shift cot. "What happened?"

A small crowd had gathered, trying to see what was going on as many murmured questions of what was going on outside. Murphy escorts many out of the room with the help of Emori while Bellamy explains everything on Bardo. 

Jackson checks her vitals, pulse, scans over her opened wounds, and checks her pupils; his expression not as blank as he attempted it to be. Her mind has been through so much, too much, in such a short amount of time. The wounds inflicted both physically and mentally trouble Jackson more than he can say, and given the state of Bellamy... he knew he would have to beak it down as easily as he could.

"She's alive, which is all the good news I can give." With a deep breath, and dramatic silence, he continues. "From what I can see Clarke's in a somewhat comatose state. Whatever they did to her mind... I'm not sure if she'll ever wake up."

Bellamy bites down on his tongue, hard enough to taste the blood in his mouth. Clarke may never wake up. She's in pain, dying, and may never wake up again. What will Bellamy tell Madi? How will the others react? How could he live in a world without Clarke Griffin?

"Bellamy?" The man stands straight at the small voice from behind, quickly turning to face her. 

"Madi." She looks at him with wide eyes before notices the still blonde behind him. With a glance he sees the fear and pain in the child's eyes. Madi lost both of her parents in the death wave on Earth. She was alone until Clarke found her.

Clarke became the mother Madi had lost, the one she couldn't remember much after, and now Madi may lose Clarke too... 

"Clarke?" She croaks, a tear slipping away as she steps closer. "Nomon?" She whispers and Bellamy feels his heart crack in two. Madi reaches out to Clarke, her hand shaking before she pulls away as if her touch burned.

Bellamy looks to Jackson, hoping he will say something, give the child answers, but they both know he can't. "Hey, she'll be okay." Bellamy rubs circles on the little Griffin's shoulders, soothing her, but it doesn't do much to help. He turns her away from Clarke to face him, and she does. "I'm here." Madi nods, sniffling before throwing her arms over his shoulders, hitting him with deja vu. Only this time it is for certain the woman Madi is mourning may never come back.

"We can put her in cryo, but that's all we can do for now." Bellamy lets go of Madi and looks to Clarke, her breathing shallow. She needed assistance or she wouldn't make it, they all knew it. 

"Then lets get her there." Without hesitation Bellamy lifts her up once more, cradling her head in one arm as her picks up her legs from beneath.

No one tries to stop them as Jackson, Madi, and Bellamy push through the crowds of people. Within minutes they make it don the stairs of Sanctum and into the fields where the ships waited. Emori and Murphy tag along to help, leaving Indra to lead. Emori pilots to the mother ship, landing as quickly and safely as she could. They all exit and pile into the ship, dashing to the cryo rooms. As Bellamy lays Clarke down in her bed, Jackson enters the settings for her to sleep. As the door shuts her vitals come online. She's alive, and that's what matters the most. The rest they can handle later.

Madi shuffles beside Bellamy and Jackson, squeezing through them as she places her hand on the chilled glass. "She's strong. She'll be okay." Bellamy reassure her. Madi nods through tears, her eyes glues on her mother. Bellamy looks from the little Griffin to Clarke, repeating his own words in his mind.

_She's strong. She'll be okay. She's strong. She'll be okay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back at Sanctum and Clarke's in a coma... What next? ;)


	12. Chapter 12

Given the quick exit of Bellamy, Clarke, and Murphy, Indra was left to handle the mess of Wonkru and Sanctum. Those loyal to the now deceased Sheidheda kneeled before her, accepting defeat. There would be no more dictating or ruling from the old ways. Grounders had their culture and belief, but this was a time of change.

As she orders the others to clean the mess of the room and outside, the anomaly opens once more. The person Indra lays eyes on is Octavia Blake, a changed woman.

"Octavia. You've returned." She reaches out an arm, which the younger Blake glances at. But instead of shaking arms she embraces the woman before her. Not nearly a moment later Indra returns the sentiment. "I'm glad you're back to yourself."

"Me too." As the women pull away, Octavia's eyes shift around the room "Where's my brother?"

But as Indra open her mouth to answer, the room glows green as the others appear. Miller, Gabriel, Raven, Hope, Jordan, Niylah, Gia, and Echo all stand looking around, happy to be back. Miller catches Jackson's eye and rushes to him while the rest spot Octavia and Indra.

"Mother. " Indra stares in shock and embraces her daughter. They embrace one another and pull away.

"Where's my brother?" Octavia asks again

"On the ship. Clarke..." Indra looks away her eye catching Jackson's. He and Miller walk over, seeing the hesitation.

"Clarke? What happened?" Miller ask out of the loop. Last they knew Clarke was safe.

"Cadogan took her back to mcap." Octavia mutters and the others look confused. How could they know? They were sent away while Clarke was kidnapped and tortured. 

"She's not doing too good." Jackson explains. "We had to put her in cryo until I could figure out what to do."

The others mumbles and shake their heads, absorbing the information. To them Clarke was okay, and now they learned she was far from it. When would their beloved leader ever catch a break?

"Maybe I could help. I know this planet better than everyone else here." Gabriel says, his interest peeked. Whatever the Bardoians did to Clarke could be reversible, had she had the right diagnosis. Given the plants and remedies on Sanctum, Gabriel could concoct something to heal her.

"Go. Do everything you can." Octavia says and Gabriel nods before leaving. Octavia turns to Indra, her eyes questioning. "Is Bell-"

"He's by her side. Hasn't left since she was put under." Indra states.

"And.. and Madi?" Octavia hesitates, and Indra sighs, having seen this coming.

"Still on the ship. Most likely with your brother. She hasn't quite understood everything that's happened yet."

"Makes sense." Hope says and the younger Blake nods. After everything that's happened, it was a lot to process even if you were there to witness it. Let alone not being there and having it explained to you as a child.

They head off in that direction, exiting Sanctum palace's doors. The compound was a mess, filled with confusion and grief, but acceptance and hope as well. This was a time filled with so much change in the last two centuries, it will take some time for them to adjust. Hope glances at each person as they pass by and follows Octavia to the find where the ship was last kept. They find Gabriel, Emori, and Murphy there as they step out the doors. The couple stopped in their tracks as they see Octavia. It didn't take long for them to see she was no longer the blood thirsty monster Bellamy had left behind and her intentions for coming there was clear. Clarke and Bellamy. With a shared glance and nod Emori and Murphy head back inside with Gabriel, Hope, and Octavia, taking them to the ship in space. 

As they dock and leave the transport ship, they easily make their way to the cryo pods. Within moments they find what they were looking for. A familiar dark curly head was seated in a chair next to a closed pod while a smaller form was tucked to his side. Octavia's gaze falls to the form sleeping next to him, her head on his lap as she snores lightly. Madi. Octavia smiles sadly at the sight before nudging her brother awake. He takes in a sudden breath and relaxes when at the familiar brunette beside him.

"Everything go as planned?" He asks, voice rough from sleep.

"Yeah. Your plan worked, Bell. They saw the truth. Cadogan is locked up on Bardo, by his own people." She chuckles. "While they took care of him we grabbed Echo from penance and found the others."

"Where were they? Are they okay?" Octavia ducks her head and bites her lip to think of a way to break the mind blowing news.

"You're not gonna believe me, Big brother." Now he's more curious than before. "They were sent to Earth. We found Gaia there too."

"Earth!?" Madi groans and wiggles before sighing, sleeping again. Bellamy lowers his voice. "Are you sure?"

"I'm positive, Bell. Earth's back. We can go home."

"Home.." He parrots and Octavia nudges him as he stares at Clarke.

Maybe this is how they do better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a filler chapter before the finale. Its not as action packed or exciting but I hope you all enjoyed it all the same :)


	13. Chapter 13

Gabriel arrives with his equipment from Sanctum, as well as more machinery from the ship with Jackson's help. Given her now stable vital signs it was safe to say Clarke was in fact in a coma. The damage to her brain was hard to diagnose from their standpoint, but they knew she would live. It would take time for her to fully recover, even longer for her to deal with the demons mcap had resurfaced, but in the end Clarke would make it. And to Madi and the Blakes that was all that mattered.

They weren't sure how to proceed after Clarke's diagnosis. She was alive, safe, which meant the largest problem at hand was handled. Now what next?

Home.

Sanctum was left in shambles. The people's lives and beliefs turned upside down. What was once a haven for humanity became a shriveled hell. Earth was survivable again and it was time for the people to go back home.

They use the anomaly to travel back to Earth, everyone one of the original hundred and friends. Those on Sanctum and Bardo made their own choices on where to stay and in the end it was all decided. Once in Earth the hundred and their people found a nearby beach to make camp. As luck would have it the old drop ship was also nearby.

As everyone got settled into their new lives, Bellamy stayed behind in the bunker with Clarke. Before going through the anomaly, Gabriel created a remedy for Clarke and injected it into her veins. He said it would take time for it to effectively wake her up. They all knew she wouldn't be the same when she awakened, having to fight off the remaining demons left lingering in her mind. But at least she was alive.

Bellamy stayed behind with her, determined to break everything to her slowly. It was best to do it in the bunker and not move her too much, and that is what he did. As Bellamy watched over her he watched her breathing, relief and anxiety filling him.

Clarke meant so much more to him than anyone else, even Octavia. Sure he loved and cared for his sister, but Clarke? It was different. And for a while he could never explain why. But heyr, watching her now? Bellamy knew exactly what the answer was. He was in love with Clarke Griffin.

Seeing her and thinking she had died over and over killed him inside. Each near death so much closer to permanent than the last. It wasn't luck that she was alive now, it was a miracle and a sign. A sign for a fresh start. There was no more excuse to be made anymore. He needs her to know how he felt, even if she didn't feel the same.

Lost in thought he nearly missed her breathing hitch as her body began to move. She groaned lowly and blinked, trying to fight the distortion of her vision. At first he thought she was just coming too, that she was fine, but he couldn't have been more wrong.

Clarke jumps up frantically, looking at her surroundings with labored breathing. It was as if she wasn't seeing the bunker or Bellamy at all, but the demons of her past invading her mind. It was like she looked right through him, as if he was a ghost.

"Clarke?" She jumps away from Bellamy, shook by the sudden movement. To her it wasn't Bell, it was an illusion from her past. They come and go, sometimes morphing into one person and then the next. They wouldn't stop. Couldn't.

Clarke shrinks herself, closing her eyes as she brings her knees to her chest. Her breathing intensifies as the ringing gets louder, nearly causing her to scream. Where was it coming from? Clarke whimpers then, biting back a scream as the voices overtake her last sense. Hearing.

_"Wanheda."_   
_"You did this to us."_   
_"They're all dead because of you."_   
_"Commander of death."_   
_"There are good guys, just not you "_   
_"When you're in control people die."_   
_"Why Clarke, why? "_   
_"This is your fault. Their blood is on your hands."_   
_"Look at me!_   
_"Wanheda."_   
_"Destroyer of worlds"_   
_"You don't deserve forgiveness. You killed us."_   
_"Murderer."_   
_"Wanheda!"_

A scream pieces through the air, so loud Clarke barely registers it was from her own that instead of another

"Hey! Its okay, you're safe." Bellamy exclaims, cautiously walking towards her with hesitant hands. Her eyes are wild, bouncing around the room as her chest heaves to catch a breath. "Princess! Look at me. Clarke!"

Hastily, and rather boldly, Bellamy grabs her face, causing her to focus on him alone. The only way he can think to ground her. She looks everywhere franticly and unsure, but Bellamy does everything he can to soothe her.

"Its me, okay? We're safe. Its okay."

"Bellamy?" She croaks and he smiles, pulling her with a crushing embrace.

"Yeah, Clarke. Its me." She breaths him in and hugs back. When they pull away she takes in surroundings.

"Where are we?" From her observation it looked like the second dawn bunker built on Earth, but that couldn't have been right. Earth was destroyed.

"Care to take a guess?" At her tilted movement he chuckles, keeping both hands on either side of her shoulders. "We're home, Clarke. Earth."

"Earth!? But Monty said it was gone."

"I guess it just needed an extra hundred years to come back." Bellamy smirks leaving Clarke to smile.

"We're... We're really home?"

"Yeah, Clarke. We're home."

Clarke attempts to stand, groaning at the ache in her head as she does. The Blake notices and reaches out to help her, holding her close to his side. He offers his hand and she takes it without hesitation as he leads them out of the bunker. Clarke stumbles a little in the excitement and it catches Bellamy's eye, making him laugh. He couldn't remember the last time he's seen her this happy before.

"Easy, Clarke." He fusses and she playfully glares.

As they reach the surface a hue of blue and green fills their vision. Clarke looks up at the sky and trees while Bellamy hugs her from behind, hands around waist, and chin resting on her shoulder. She leans back for balance and to feel him more. This was really it. They were back on Earth. Clarke turns around to face him and he grins, framing her face. _She's alive. She's alive. She's alive._

"Is this okay?" She furrows her brow at his question, her gaze falling down to his lips before nodding. She was taken by surprise his action and close proximity, but never would she reject his touch. It was odd for him to be this intimate, new even, but Clarke wasn't ready to comment on it. _Perhaps it was another unspoken thing between them?_

Or perhaps not...

Bellamy smiles down at her before looking up again, she follows his gaze to the sky before feeling something on her lips. Bellamy. Her breath stops for a moment as her sense try to catch up with what was happening. Was this real? Surely it wasn't.

But it was.

Clarke presses up closer against him, folding her arms around Bellamy's neck, leaving no space between them. This was happening and nothing felt more real. Their lips move in sync before they pull away, breathless and entranced.

"Welcome home, princess." She smiles then and shoves him playfully, which he catches. In an instant his lips are on hers once more, this time she was prepared. His lips moving with hers, a perfect fit. Her mind screamed one thought and one thought only: _Bellamy! Bellamy! Bellamy!_ It was the perfect moment. Too perfect...

_Was this really happening or was she still trapped in her mind back on Bardo? Was this some sort of test?_

A noise from afar catches her ear and she looks in that directions. Seeing nothing she glances Bellamy's way and watches as he nods in a direction. He takes her hand in his and leads her through a path of trees until they're on a small sandy trail. From their stand point the source of noise becomes clear as day. Everyone they love is here, moving around and building their homes. Clarke gasps slightly at the sight and runs in that direction, only stopping when a smaller body crashes into her.

"Mom!" Clarke is physically and mentally taken back, suddenly looking down. A small body with a full head of dark long curls.

"Madi!" She wraps her arms around her, holding her close. Madi squeezes tight and when they pull away Clarke frames her face, brushing away her tears. "Its okay. I'm right here." Madi sniffles and nods, hugging her again. Neither is sure how long they stand there holding each other until a barking Picasso nudges them. The Griffins chuckle and Madi tosses a ball, playing with the dog.

A laugh escapes from Clarke as she watches her daughter frolic happily around with her new furry companion. This wasn't a test or trick of her mind, this was reality. A larger body wraps their arms around Clarke's middle reminding her of just how real this was. She leans back against him, her nose filled with his scent. She always loved how Bellamy smelled, it was comforting and nostalgic; safe even. As the two stand together everyone from afar on the near by beach waves their way, grabbing their attention. Clarke smiles, seeing her family and friends happy and safe again.

"Now what?" Clarke asks, looking over her shoulder as Bellamy rest his head on it again, nipping her neck.

"Whatever the hell we want." She smiles as he says this, the phrase he chanted when they first landed on this rock of green. It felt more like a lifetime away now.

Bellamy hugs her tighter, pressing a kiss to her temple, and breathes her in. This was their lives now. Clarke was safe and in his arms where she belonged.

* * *

Earth. That was the dream. And here they were, getting their humanity back, doing better... living the dream. The remaining of the 100 and those they care for finally back where they belong. Home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and bellarke happiness! What we all deserved<3 I hope you all enjoyed this story, at least a bit more than canon ;)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a long fic, much longer than I anticipated, so I'm breaking it up into different parts lol. It was only meant to be 3k max, but its surpassed 7k so far.... whoops lol
> 
> Note: I will post the next part soon! Most likely tomorrow :)


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